#life has been so tough and this message lowkey made me so happy

[toriowlfluff]

i was off tumblr for ⏃ while so ⟟ didn’t know you were back but i’m so happy that even though you must be really busy you still find time to post! it was such ⏃ surprise when ⟟ came back! you’ve always been one of my favourite g/t artists and ⟟ seriously wish you the best!

[flosbelova]

I’ll Always Protect You

florence pugh x fem!reader

warnings: mention of death threats.

word count: 1.7k

summary: you and florence had been dating for a while. when she posts you on her Instagram, you receive a bunch of hate comments and florence defends you and your relationship.

request from @the-loving-quotes​

Dating Florence Pugh has been one of the greatest decisions you have ever made in your life. You both have managed to keep your relationship lowkey until she randomly posts you on her Instagram. It was a photo of you looking at this mountain view at sunset from the balcony. She captioned it “My happy place.” 

Your heart started to race as soon as you saw a photo of yourself on her Instagram-- and the fact that she tagged you almost made you pass out.

You looked through her comments and let’s just say most of it wasn't what you would have expected. Some were positive-- for example, there were comments that read:

“OH MY GOSH IT CONFIRMED! I'M SO HAPPY”

“I’m so proud of you <3”

“You guys are the absolute cutest!”

Then, there were comments that weren’t so positive. It was a mixture of homophobic comments and comments that said “Florence deserves better.”

Of course, they hurt, but you didn’t mind at first and chose to focus on the more positive comments. 

-

A couple days pass and you also decide to post Florence on your Instagram. As you hit “post,” your phone instantly started buzzing with notifications. Again, the comments were all a mixture of the positives and the negatives. However, you wanted to focus on the positive side and ignored the comments.

-

You posted Florence on your Instagram story, and you received a lot of DM’s. Although you don’t open your DM’s, you decided to check just for the hell of it. As soon as you swiped to your message requests, you instantly regretted swiping. 

“Kill yourself. You don’t deserve Florence.”

Tears started to well up in your eyes, but you quickly wiped them away when you heard Florence come into the living room.

“Dinner’s ready, darling,” she says, holding a wooden spoon.

“Hm? Oh, right. I’ll be there in a sec,” you respond.

“Is everything alright, love?” she walks towards you with a concerned look on her face.

You take a deep breath. “Yes, everything’s fine.” You clench your jaw hoping Florence would drop the subject.

She pouts and looks at you with worry. Florence knows every little detail about you. She knows that nothing is ever “fine,” when it follows with you clenching your jaw. However, Florence doesn’t like to overstep on your boundaries, so she drops the subject and figures she’ll ask you later. 

“Alright, love. C’mon, let's eat. I’ve made your favorite,” she says, giving you a soft smile.

-

You loved Florence’s cooking and you always made sure to compliment her dishes whenever she cooked. However, tonight was quiet. The two of you sat in silence, quietly eating your dinner. 

You were grateful that Florence knew to get off your back whenever you were in a mood. That’s one of the things that you appreciated most about her, her ability to understand your emotions and how you cope with them. 

You knew that she would eventually ask you what happened as you have both communicated that suffering in silence wasn’t healthy.

You finished dinner early and asked yourself to be excused. You headed to bed as soon as you finished your meal. Florence stayed in the kitchen to tidy up and to give you some more space.

-

Laying on your side, you couldn’t help but to grab your phone and scroll through your notifications. As hurt as you were already, you were too stubborn to gain some self-control. As terrible as that message was, your comment section got even worse. Not only was it filled with homophobic comments, but you were also getting sent death threats. You had checked Florence’s account and pressed on your photo. You noticed that she turned off the comments.

You felt the bed behind you dip as an arm wrapped around your torso.

“Hi,” Florence whispers, and she rests her chin on your shoulder.

“Hi,” you weakly respond. You sigh as you turn your phone off and place it on the bedside table. You turn around in Florence’s arm and face her.

Florence gave you a worried smile and she wiped the tears on your face. You were so busy scrolling through the hate comments that you hadn’t noticed that tears were falling from your eyes.

“Oh, my love.” Florence places a gentle kiss on your forehead. She then looks at you with worry in her eyes. Florence couldn’t imagine what was going through your mind.

“I know you saw the comments,” she begins, “I saw them too. As soon as I saw the hate comments, I immediately turned them off.”

You sniffled and took a deep breath. “I got death threats,” you say, your voice breaking.

“What?” Florence says, appalled. Florence could feel her heart race and feel herself be filled with rage.

“That’s it, I’m making a post, this is unbelievable,” Florence says getting up to get her phone.

“No, please, you don’t have to,” you plead, “it’ll only make things worse.”

“No it won’t, Y/n, I promise you,” Florence says, already typing in her notes.

“You can’t promise me something that you have no control over,” you say coldly.

Florence pauses. She looks over at you, takes a deep breath and pouts. She stares at you for a while, studying your face. Florence is the type of person to defend the people she loves and doesn’t care if it will give her a bad rep. You just so happen to be one of the people that Florence loves, and she will do whatever it takes to defend you and her love for you.

“It doesn’t matter, what matters is that someone I love is being sent death threats, so please, let me say something,” she says, reaching for your hand.

“I really don’t deserve you,” you sigh.

“You do Y/n, you deserve every bit of me as much as I deserve every bit of you,” Florence says, caressing your cheek. 

-

A few days passed and Florence posted a video on her Instagram regarding the hate you had been receiving. 

“To my “fans,” who have sent a tremendous amount of hate to my girlfriend, Y/n, kindly unfollow me. I do not need your negativity towards my relationship with her. The hate you throw at her is hate you throw at me. The death threats you throw at her, are also death threats you throw at me. It is not your place to tell me who I should and should not love, nor is it any of your business. I do not appreciate the comments you have thrown at her. She does not deserve it, and nor do I. I am happy with Y/n. She makes me a better person. So please, leave my relationship alone and stop sending my girlfriend death threats. I will not ask again.”

After watching the video, you were in shock. Even if you had talked about it a couple days prior, you still didn’t expect that she would actually post it. Florence kept the comments on and fortunately, it was filled with massive support from other celebrities. You were grateful.

-

Florence had an interview with Jimmy Kimmel this week to discuss her recent and future projects. Of course, her video regarding your relationship was a topic of discussion. You stayed backstage and watched Florence’s interview from her dressing room.

“Okay, I think everyone here has seen the video that you had recently posted regarding your relationship,” Jimmy says.

“Yeah, I hope so,” Florence chuckles nervously.

“So tell me, if you’re comfortable, why you had said what you needed to say?” he asks.

“Did you watch the video?” Florence says sarcastically, earning a couple laughs from the crowd. “Um, I figured that I needed to. I mean my girlfriend was getting sent death threats for no apparent reason and it needed to stop.” This earned Florence a clap from the audience.

“That’s fair. God, the internet is so toxic, isn’t it?” Jimmy complains.

“Yeah,” Florence agreed. “Y/n and I had been dating for a while now and we’d managed to keep it lowkey. I just thought that when I’d finally posted her that I wouldn’t receive such horrid comments. Which is why I felt the need to address this because I hate seeing the people I love get hurt.”

A couple people from the crowd “Awwed”

“So, tell me what it is about Y/n that just makes you so in love with her?” Jimmy asked curiously.

Florence smiled as she thought about the things that she loved most about you. “Her smile was something that caught my eyes right off the bat. She has such a kind smile and I would do everything just to keep her smiling.”

The crowd “Awwed” again.

“Also, Y/n is so loving. She won’t admit it because she likes to be that “tough” person on the outside, but inside she’s a big softie. She gives the best cuddles. I also love how she makes me tea every time I come home from filming.”

“Aww, that must be nice. I think we all need a Y/n in our life, right?” Jimmy says.

The camera pans to the crowd who was cheering and nodding their heads.

“Well, too bad, Y/n is only one person and I’m the lucky girl who has her,” Florence says wittily. 

The crowd laughed and clapped.

“Alright, well it was lovely having you, Florence,” Jimmy says, shaking Florence’s hand. “And that’s all for tonight, we’ll see you tomorrow!”

-

On the ride home, you rested your head on Florence’s shoulders.

“You really had to call me out, didn’t you?” you ask.

“Yeah, maybe just a little,” Florence says, making a gesture.

You chuckle and look at her. “Did I ever tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid my eyes on?”

“Yes, Y/n, you tell me everyday,” she says, grabbing your cheek.

You smile and close the gap between you. Florence melts into the kiss and moves her hand to the back of your head, running her hands through your hair. You pull away to catch some air and Florence rests her forehead against yours.

“I love you, Flo. Thank you for everything.”

“I love you too Y/n. and don’t thank me, you know I’ll always protect you.”

The End

[softrenjunnie]

collection l njm (part one)

Na Jaemin, star quarterback and infamous fuckboy, likes to collect girls. It’s a well-known fact - yet every girl swoons over and crushes on him. Well, everyone except you; yet you’re the one he’s longing the most for to add to his collection. But are you sure that’s the only thing he wants to do to you?

part one/?

pairing: reader x jaemin, reader x jeno

characters: fuckboy!jaemin, brother!donghyuck, football players!nct dream, hina, koeun and possibly other former smrookies

genre: fluff, suggestive themes, smut in the next part, college!au

word count: 6.5k

warnings: swearwords, mentions of sex & lowkey bullying (nothing major)

note: aaaah sorry for being so slow with the hogwarts!aus, and part 2 of the royal wedding, and the ways to say “i love you” requests... i’ve been working on this and requests on @softseongminnie​ instead... anyways i hope you like this one! feel free to leave any comments or feedback, and i hope you all have a great day! also uhhhh i had some problems w making this appear in the tags yesterday when i was supposed to post it so sorry for the delay!! 

series masterlist l full masterlist

You put your spare key into the hole of Donghyuck’s door, turning it around hastily and practically throwing yourself inside.

“LEE DONGHYUCK!” you yelled, not even bothering to close the door behind you first. He was sitting, as usual, in front of his television with a game console in his hand. And, of course, his best friend Jaemin was sitting next to him. “I can't believe you!”

“What?” he mumbled, his eyes not leaving the screen and his mind obviously not focusing on you.

“You broke up with Hina,” you spat, the disgust in your voice not easy to mistake. “On a Monday after school. Over a text message!”

“So?”

“Pause the fucking game this exact moment, Na Jaemin.” Even though he was a tough guy, and usually wasn’t afraid of anything, Jaemin understood that you were furious and that this whole situation would explode if he didn’t obey. Your brother finally turned his head and looked at you where you were now standing a few feet away from them. “You dated for what, five months? You can’t just break up like that after such a long relationship. She's wrecked, I'm telling you.”

“She was boring, what was I supposed to do?” Jaemin snickered from next to him and you sighed.

“You realized as late as after five months that she’s boring?”

Donghyuck shook his head. “No, I knew it all along.”

“Then why-”

“Because the sex was good,” he hummed, earning a yooo and a high-five from Jaemin.

“You’re both disgusting,” you muttered before walking over to his desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down on it. You took up a takeout menu from the pile of papers lying in front of you, and you were about to ask them if they wanted some Chinese when Donghyuck cut you off again.

“You’re just grumpy because you haven’t had good sex in a while.”

Your jaw dropped as he unpaused the game and they started playing again. “And why’s that, do you think? Couldn’t be because you make sure no one in your team even looks at me.”

“They wouldn’t have sex with you anyway, a sister of a brother is like their own sister-”

But now, it was Donghyuck’s time to be interrupted. By Jaemin. “I wouldn’t mind banging you, though.” A wide smirk was spread on his lips, but he was instantly kicked off the couch he was sitting on by the other boy.

“You are not having sex with my sister just to have another girl to collect, you idiot,” Donghyuck huffed and Jaemin stood up, massaging his butt that he had fallen on before sitting down again.

Pretty much everyone called Jaemin a fuckboy. It was well-known across campus that he “collected” girls - almost every weekend morning new girls were leaving his room in the frat house in yesterday’s clothes. No one got more than one night with him, yet everyone wanted him. Except for you. Almost the entire cheer team was swooning over him at all times; how could they not? He was tall, handsome, the quarterback and MVP of the football team - and according to many, the best sex of your life. But none of this mattered to you. Jaemin had from the day that you two met acted like you were just another girl who was head over heels for him, who he could toy around with. You tried your best to dismiss him and show him that you didn’t care about him at all - yet he always kept trying.

“So if I’m doing her for something more long-lasting than just my collection, it’s okay?” he asked, and Donghyuck was about to answer when you cut in.

“Don’t I have a say in this?”

“No,” they both said at the same time and you shook your head.

“Besides, I’m not letting you date my little sister, we’ve been over this a thousand times...”

“I’m only a few minutes younger, get over yourself.” You sighed when you could tell than Donghyuck was grinning and stood up, taking the menu with you. “So I take that as you two don’t want takeout?”

“Get me a number 23,” Donghyuck said, and you snorted as if to tell him that he had forgotten the magic word. “Please.”

“Should’ve thought about the fact that you're so lazy that you need your sister to get you dinner before you acted like an ass, hm?” You shuffled over to the door, opening it. “You’ll only get it if when I come back, you’ve gone to Hina's room and apologized to her.” You left the room through the front door, but before you closed it behind you, you could hear Jaemin’s voice again.

“Number 11 with tofu! Thank you!”

--

Despite his constant (failed) effortless tries to flirt with you, you and Jaemin were actually pretty good friends. A best friend of your brother had always become a friend to you, and Jaemin was no exception. The two of you would bicker over anything and everything, and nobody could stop you from calling each other rude names. Whenever your practices were at the same time, you’d be spending half the time sticking out your tongue at him, but during games you were always the biggest fan of him (and Donghyuck, who was a wide receiver on the team).

You weren’t denying that Jaemin was extremely attractive, and you weren’t denying that it was tempting to give in to him. But you had decided that you weren’t going to for two reasons. The first was your extreme hate of his view on girls; you weren’t just going to be treated like an item, someone to just have sex with.  And the second reason was that there were probably a bunch of guys out there who’d take care of you and love you without viewing you as an object. And to confirm that, you had actually found someone who seemed to really care about you.

Lee Jeno had transferred to your school only a few months ago, having gotten in on a football scholarship just like so many others on the NCT Narwhals football team. He played running back and since he was new in the team, you assumed he didn’t know about your brother’s stupid ban on dating you. And you didn’t tell him, either, as it would put him in a tough position. You hadn’t gone especially far, but you had been going on a few dates that you had kept secret to make sure Donghyuck didn’t find out. Because as much as you wanted to hold Jeno’s hand in public and kiss him in front of your friends, you knew that Donghyuck was extremely overprotective of you as he’d scared away many of your boyfriends before - and you knew he’d do it again.

So the following evening when your cheerleading practice was at the same time as the football practice, you made a great effort trying to focus on your own training instead of looking over at the boys. And every time you let your mind and eyes slip, you had to force yourself to keep a straight face and hold back a blush because Jeno kept winking and smirking at you.

What you didn’t see, though, was that Jaemin had noticed the rookie’s lack of focus and how his eyes fluttered back and forth between the two teams’ practices. It didn’t take him long to figure out that Jeno was so interested in your practice because of a girl.

After the practice had ended, Jaemin was about to leave with Donghyuck to hit the gym, but spotted Jeno leaning against the fence surrounding the field, looking over at the cheer team wrapping up. He jogged over.

“Hey, fresh meat!” he shouted, making Jeno turn and look at him with a questioning but slightly happy look. When Jaemin arrived, he leaned against the fence too. “Checking someone out?”

Jeno shrugged. “I guess. Or, more like, waiting for,” he said.

“Can I ask who?” Jaemin grinned and crashed his shoulder into the other boy’s playfully. “If it’s Koeun, you should know she’s very tough to handle even though she looks sweet. Hina is a good fuck, but I should warn you that she kind of has this on-and-off-thing with Donghyuck. And-“

Jeno interrupted him. “Actually, she wants to keep things secret for a while we’re getting used to each other." He paused for a moment. "But let me tell you, it's going slooowlyy..."

Jaemin chuckled, rolling his eyes playfully. “Booriiing,” he hollered, making Jeno laugh.

“I agree, bro. I mean, if we’re being honest, I think we’re going a bit too slow,” he muttered. “Not that I can tell her that, of course. Might have to get a plan B going in the meantime, if you get what I’m saying.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Jaemin opened his mouth a little in shock. Ever since the first time he had seen Jeno, he had thought that the new boy looked so innocent and sweet; not as rough or “fuckboy”-like as he himself and some of the other boys on the team. So it surprised him to hear those kinds of words from Jeno’s mouth.

Jaemin patted his shoulder, standing up properly again and shooting a glance behind him where he could see Donghyuck waiting impatiently for him. “If you need any help with that, let me know. I have some connections.”

“Thanks, bro,” Jeno said, giving Jaemin a bro-hug before leaning back onto the fence and letting Jaemin strut off.

Jeno didn’t have to wait long until it was your turn to walk up to him (after making sure there were no other boys in sight, of course). You greeted him with a quick hug, both of you chatting about your practices for a while before you questioned him on the main reason you had gone up to him.

“What were you talking to Jaemin about?” you asked.

“He just...” His eyes wandered over the field as he tried to make something up. “He invited me to a party on Friday. Do you want to come too?”

You shrugged. ”If it’s at their frat house then no, thanks.”

Jeno frowned slightly. “Why’s that?”

You checked the time on your phone, and as you had forgotten that your coach had been late today (and then forced you all finish late), it was later than you had anticipated. “Can we maybe talk about this in like an hour? I need to proofread my paper on the Cold War until tomorrow and I also need to take a shower, and-“

“Mr. Kim’s class? American history?” he asked, interrupting you. You nodded. “I can read it and give you notes if you’d like? I sent in that paper last week and got full marks.”

And just over thirty minutes later, you opened the door to your dorm to find Jeno standing there freshly showered, just like you were. He snickered when his eyes caught the oversized t-shirt hanging past your pyjama shorts, and as it was actually Donghyuck’s shirt and you still hadn’t told Jeno he was your brother, you didn’t say anything but only pulled him inside the room. You pushed him down to sit by your desk, the document for your essay opened on your laptop and ready to be beta-read. You mumbled a quick “don’t judge” before pressing your lips to his cheek and running off to your stove to make some tea.

Just as you had poured two cups full to the brim with some earl gray, there was a knock on your door. You put the kettle back on the stove before going over to the door, peeping through the little hole before opening to see who it was.

It was Jaemin.

You opened the door but only a big enough that you could stick your face out through the hole. “Yes?”

“Donghyuck sent me here to ask you-“ He stopped mid-sentence. “Why aren’t you opening the door?”

“What do you mean? It’s open,” you uttered, opening it only a few centimeters more than before, still not enough for him to look inside the room. You couldn’t have him see the boy who was currently sitting by your desk, it would ruin everything because he would definitely tell your brother and then Jeno would be bullied. You knew so, because they had done it before to the boys before you’d done as little as study with.

“Are you hiding something?” he questioned. “Is it a boy? Oh, I know someone who’d love to hear about this!”

“Go away,” you told him through your gritted teeth.

Jaemin, however, didn’t seem to find this situation as serious as you were. He was grinning brightly. “At least tell me who it is, will you? Is it someone from the team?” Your eyebrows knotted in frustration, and you considered just slamming the door into his face. Then, what seemed like a funny idea came into his mind. “Is it that new guy? Jeno?”

Your jaw dropped. How’d he guess it right? Instantly after realizing your absurd give-away, you tried to cover it up by adapting the same expression as earlier and trying to come up with something witty to say. “No, I’m-“

“Is it really Jeno?” Your expression wasn’t the only one that had changed. Jaemin wasn’t grinning anymore. He looked shocked too. In one swift motion, he grabbed a hold of your wrist, pulling you out through the door and pulling it closed behind you. “You can’t date him, he-“

You curt him off. “Yeah? And why’s that?” you spat. “I’m fucking tired of Donghyuck thinking he can determine the entire outcome of my life. I’m going to do what I want to do, no matter what he says.”

Jaemin shook his head, his eyes scanning the corridor around you to make sure nobody was near enough to hear either of you. “It’s not about him. It’s about Jeno. You...” His voice trailed away as he tried to find words. He couldn’t just straight up tell you what he’d heard today - that Jeno was even considering going to someone else while he was seeing you - it really didn’t feel like his place. And he didn’t think you’d believe him anyway. “You can’t trust him.”

“Fuck, Jaemin, I actually thought you’d grow up over these years. But I guess not.” He looked at you, confusion prominent in his face. “You’re just jealous, huh? You’re mad someone else is giving me attention for once. You know what? I’m tired of you always talking about me like I belong to you or something. Like I’m only here for you to have sex with. Surprise! Not every girl on this campus wants to suck your dick.”

You felt almost out of breath after your rant. But it felt so good. Finally, you’d said all those things you’d been thinking for an eternity. It was like a weight was lifted off your chest.

“So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go inside to a person who actually cares about me.” You opened your door, squeezing yourself in through the opening and just as you were about to close it, Jaemin stuck his foot in through the hole, keeping it opened.

“I promise you, he’s up to no good,” he breathed. But you only shook your head, giving his foot a slight kick to make it move, and closing the door fully. And you didn’t forget to lock it, just in case.

--

The days went by and you didn’t speak a single word to Jaemin. What had been on about, anyway? Was he really that obsessed with you that even seeing you studying with someone else made him so upset? You couldn’t help wondering if he was so intent on having sex with every girl on campus that he would actually get jealous over one of them dating someone who wasn't Na Jaemin.

At lunch every day or in your shared classes, the two of you sat quiet, only speaking if spoken to, with frowns upon both of your faces. Donghyuck had noticed instantly, but it took until lunch break on Thursday before he said anything.

“Why are you two so quiet?” he questioned in a mocking tone with his mouth full of rice, pointing his chopsticks towards the two of you who were seated at the opposite sides of the table. “Are you fighting or something?”

You threw a glare over at Jaemin, who seemingly did the same to you, before rolling your eyes and looking down at your food again.

“You’re seriously not going to tell me? Sis, what-“

You had to control yourself not to slam your fists onto the table. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself down, you stood up and grabbed your tray, looking back at Jaemin. “Go ahead and tell him if you’d like,” you started. “Then everyone can know how obsessed you are with me.” As you turned around to leave, you could hear him huff loudly but Donghyuck stayed quiet, which he usually wouldn’t be unless he had been confused. And that you assumed he would continue being, because you thought that no threats in the world from him would be able to make Jaemin admit that he was just jealous.

--

The day after, you decided it would be better to skip lunch than have to face Jaemin again. Besides, you had some maths homework due on Monday that you felt like you should work on, so the library felt like a good option compared to the cafeteria. But after only studying for a few minutes, your phone beeped. It was a text from Jeno.

jenooo <3 : where are you?

You quickly typed out a message telling him that you were at your usual table in the library, before putting away your phone and trying to focus on your work again. This time, it took a bit longer until you were interrupted again - but it wasn’t by your phone. It was because someone was walking up to the table.

When you looked up, you saw Jeno’s sweet eye-smile shining down on you. “You didn’t answer my text,” he started before putting down a brown paper bag on the table. “so I got you a sandwich.”

You smiled, opening the bag and pulling it out. “Thank you,” you hummed at him.

He pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the table and sat down. “I noticed that you weren’t sitting at your usual table,” he said and you nodded slowly. “Why?”

You hadn't told him about your "talk" with Jaemin. And you still hadn't told him that Donghyuck was your brother, which you had been planning to do after he read your essay; you had just been too caught up in the moment and too angry to say anything.

“I had a fight with Jaemin,” you mumbled as you unwrapped the sandwich. “He’s just jealous of you.”

Jeno frowned and you took a bite. “He knows about us?” You shrugged.

“Well, he saw us together once so I guess he understood.” You took another bite, chewing it down quickly. “He’s not jealous jealous, he just wants to fuck me. And since I’m not letting that happen, he’s taking it out on you. Only in his mind, of course.” You glanced at him. “Or, I hope?”

Jeno chuckled and shook his head, smiling. “No, he hasn’t said anything to me. Thanks for the warning, though.”

You knew Jaemin wouldn’t physically hurt someone only from jealousy. You knew he wasn’t like that. As cocky as he may act, he wouldn’t hurt a fly without a proper reason. Though, you were a bit scared he would take out his anger in another way. And you would soon realize that you hadn't been too wrong to think he would do something to get revenge on Jeno.

Friday nights were for football, and today was no exception. The team was up against one of the bottom teams in the league, so everyone was quite relaxed and sure it would be an easy game. You and the girls in the cheer team had just greeted the audience and were shaking your pompoms at them when the game started, and the NCT Narwhals got possession of the ball. Jaemin, as the quarterback, started off the match with two beautiful passes to Donghyuck, making the team move down the field by a great bit. From their formation, you could tell that their next play was going to be a running play - which meant that Jaemin would toss the ball to Jeno who would try to run as far as possible. You watched intently, hoping for everyone’s best that it would be successful; but it wasn’t. The pass, which was only a few meters in distance, didn’t make it to Jeno’s hands. It was too short, making Jeno having to stop in his tracks to pick up the ball from the ground and therefor lose distance.

You knew it wasn’t Jeno’s fault. It could’ve been an honest mistake, but you weren’t so sure about that. To you, it had seemed like Jaemin hadn’t even tried. You shook it off, trying to tell yourself that it wouldn’t happen again. But then, a few plays later, Jaemin threw another pass to Jeno that was too short. The audience roared, as the team now was in a very tough position with a lot of distance left and only one down left. Luckily, the team was known to be bold - so even though the risk was high, and it was only at the beginning of the game, Jaemin decided to pass to Donghyuck, and the pass laid in your brother’s hands just a few moments later. It was almost as if Jaemin was like a light switch; one second he was playing without a flaw, and the next he was playing with only flaws. And he showed that irregularity the very next play when he was supposed to hand the ball over to Jeno, but instead only dropped it to the ground, not making a single effort to pick it up again. As Jeno had already picked up speed in the direction past the ball, he had no chance of turning around and getting the ball. Especially since the opponents had already grabbed it from their feet, running towards the endzone to score.

By now, you were furious. It was clear he was doing it on purpose. And he kept on doing it. You could hear yells from the bleachers and whispers from your teammates about how bad Jeno was playing and how he should be substituted. You thought that they obviously had no idea how the game worked, but you luckily did, so you knew who was actually to blame.

At the end of the game, when Jaemin nonchalantly missed his hand-over to Jeno at the last play of the game, making them miss the last chance to score and take back the lead that Jaemin had lost them, he had crossed the line.

When both teams were on their way to their changing rooms, you spotted Jaemin walking alongside Renjun, a defensive player - and they both looked way more satisfied than the rest of the team combined. There was a subtle smile on Jaemin’s lips; one that certainly wasn’t appropriate for what had just happened. You dropped your pompoms right in your spot and hurried over to him before he could make it off the field.

“You idiot,” you spat, pushing his chest with your hands to make him stop. “You guys just fucking lost to them!”

Jaemin chuckled. “It’s not my fault your loverboy can’t catch a ball,” he breathed.

You couldn’t control your impulses - your hand slapped across his face before you could even react. But you didn’t regret it. He held up a hand to cover his cheek, feeling the skin where you had slapped him. He looked as if he was in pain but trying to cover it up by grinning. “You think I’m stupid? I haven’t missed a single game Donghyuck has played ever since he started, so don’t think you can trick me into thinking that Jeno is the one to blame when I know the game well enough to see that it was you.”

Jaemin shook his head, looking past you to where Donghyuck was walking nearer, wondering what all the commotion was about. “I’ve told you, he’s not as good as you think.”

You had an urge to slap him again, but you held back, taking a deep breath. “And I always thought you had at least a bit of good in you, but I guess we're both wrong.”

You turned on your heel and rushed off, almost knocking into your confused brother but quickly sidestepping him. You ignored his calls of your name and questions of why you were so angry - was that really so obvious? - and continued back to your dorm room again.

Behind your back, Jaemin had finally dropped his hand from his throbbing cheek and rolled his eyes at the way you were storming away. “Your sister sure knows how to throw a punch, huh?” he muttered. “Did you teach her that?”

“Watch out before I punch you too.”

--

The only person you talked to before bed that night was Jeno. Or, maybe not talk - what you did was send him a text message, apologizing for how Jaemin had acted right before putting your phone away to try not to think about the situation more. You had gone to bed with one of your favorite tv shows playing on the television screen in the room, trying to block out all thoughts of Jaemin, Donghyuck, and Jeno. It had worked while you were awake, though you hadn’t exactly gotten a good night's sleep - you had been dreaming several nightmares that you couldn't recall the plot of, but what you could remember was that they were about Jeno and Jaemin.

When there was a knock on your door, you were pulled out of your sleep. Yelling a quick “coming!” in the direction of the door, you got out of bed and pulled on a t-shit and a pair of pyjama pants. Making your way towards the door, you combed through your hair with your fingers, hoping to help fix your appearance a bit - but it wasn’t necessary, as the one standing on the other side of the door was Hina.

“Oh, hey,” you said, inviting her inside. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know, I just need to take my mind off some things, distract myself,” she huffed, taking a seat by your desk.

“Perfect,” you started, taking off the shirt you’d put on hastily (muttering to yourself something about how dirty it was and how you needed to do some laundry soon), instead putting on a clean one and changing your pants to a pair of jeans. “so do I!” You smiled at her.

“You want to catch some lunch, then?”

“Already?” You frowned, looking up at the clock on your wall. You instantly took back what you said, as it was nearing two in the afternoon.

“You must’ve had a good night's sleep?” Hina hummed, spinning a few times on the chair.

“I wish,” you muttered, checking yourself out in the mirror next to the door, making sure you looked alright to go out. Then, you grabbed your phone and opened it for the first time since last night, and out of all of the notifications you’d gotten, there were four that stood out. Four texts from Jeno; one from just about three hours ago, three from yesterday. You started off by reading the old ones.

jenooo <3 : it’s all fine! it’s not your fault. it’s all on him, you don’t need to defend him. the coach knows jaemin was the bad player, though not why, so he isn’t mad at me.

jenooo <3 : do you want to meet up now? i didn't see you after the game when i went to the bleachers, i thought you’d stay with your friends as usual

jenooo <3 : welp, you not answering me either means that you’re ignoring me or that you’ve already gone to bed. hoping for the latter. sleep well :)

Then, your eyes landed on the last one.

jenooo <3 : in case it makes you feel any better, i just saw one of the girls from your team leave his room

It did make you feel a bit better. You hoped it meant that Jaemin had moved on, at least a little - even if you yourself were happy with Jeno, you didn’t want a jealous boy run after you. Especially if said boy was more than happy to go great lengths to make sure Jeno was unhappy.

Though, you were a bit confused as to how Jeno could know that. He didn’t live in the frat house, he lived on campus like any regular student.

Shaking the thought out of your head, you turned back to Hina. “Chinese?”

You two went to the little Chinese restaurant right next to campus, and thankfully it was almost empty so the two of you could talk without worrying that someone would eavesdrop (except for the staff, but you wondered how interested they were in your gossip anyway). You told her all about Jeno and Jaemin, and Hina told you all about how Donghyuck had come to apologize to her, saying that he had joked and didn’t really want to break up with her (to which you made a mental note to kick him the next time you saw him).

You loved the food at the restaurant, but another reason you went there was the fortune cookies you could get for free after the meal. So, naturally, both of you reached into the bowl on the counter after paying to grab a cookie each. You cracked your cookie open right in the middle, put a piece of it in your mouth before reading the paper that had been inside of it out loud.

“You will realize that you’ve taken the wrong side of an argument and your enemy will become your friend.” You snorted. “No way, Jaemin is a dick.”

Hina read hers out loud too. “Don’t give out your trust too easily. What’s that even supposed to mean?” She scoffed, as you picked up another cookie from the bowl, thinking that you deserved another shot as the first one was completely ridiculous.

“Hey, I got the same one!” you exclaimed and you both laughed it off as you exited the restaurant.

“You’re coming tonight, aren’t you?” Hina asked, shivering slightly from the cold wind blowing over her body in contrast to the heat from inside the restaurant. “To the party at their frat house? I heard Jeno will be there.”

You shook your head. “I already told him I wouldn’t come,” you said.

“Then make it a surprise for him!” she squealed. “It’ll be really cute, because he will be sitting there all alone and thinking about you and then - there you are!” You chuckled at her excitement, but thought to yourself that she was right. It could be fun to surprise him - and besides, you hadn’t been to a party in a while now, so maybe it was about time to let loose. And some alcohol in your system most likely wouldn't make it harder for you to forget about Jaemin.

So just a few hours later, you left your room wearing a cute white blouse tucked into a pair of jean shorts with Hina, making your way towards the frat house. Upon entering, the smell of liquor combined with too strong perfumes and cheap cologne crashed over you, though you weren't surprised. You had been to a fair share of college parties in your days, even before you started college yourself; since Donghyuck often was invited to parties because he was a player (and apparently they were invited to all parties, no matter the age), he dragged you along since he said he needed company to make him seem less lonely. But he always made you swear you wouldn’t tell anyone you were siblings and that he was bribing you with cookies...

Speaking of Donghyuck, he was one of the first people you spotted when you entered the big lounge. He was sitting next to Jaemin (of course) in a couch to your left, the both of them seemingly happily engrossed in a conversation - until Jaemin’s eyes accidentally landed on you. His grin turned into a frown and he looked away instantly. You rolled your eyes mentally but smiled as you waved goodbye to Hina who was making her way to your brother, telling you to “go find him!”.

You continued your journey through the house, looking around in several different rooms that were all filled with drunk students making out or fighting - but Jeno was nowhere to be seen. You found it strange, but then you realized that he might just not have arrived yet. You decided to make your way back to the lounge to find someone else to talk to, even if it was your brother and Hina because you had a feeling Jaemin would stay quiet as he had these last few days. You took a shortcut through the kitchen, but something caught your eyes before you left. You found Jeno, but not like you wanted to see him.

You almost didn’t recognize that it was him at first where he was standing by the wall, since his face was being covered by another girl’s face. Her lips on his, Jeno’s eyes closed in satisfaction and his hands on her hips, keeping her close.

You couldn’t believe your eyes at first, but as you took a few steps closer and sure enough, it was really him. As if he could sense your presence, his eyes flung open and after searching the room, they flew to you. He pushed the girl away and took a few steps towards you. “I- I can explain-“

You shook your head and cut him off. “No,” you spat. “Don’t come near me. Ever again.” As of that, you turned around and made your way towards the exit.

Tears were threatening to fall from your eyes any second now, but you forced them back, not wanting anyone here to see you as weak. You had trusted Jeno. You believed he wasn’t like any other boy. But it seemed like he was.

As you had been too focused on not crying, you hadn’t been aware of your surroundings. You accidentally bumped into someone, stumbling a little backwards before apologizing quietly and trying to move past the person. But that someone grabbed your wrist, holding you back. Looking up, you could see who it was through your tear-stained eyes. Jaemin.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and at first you froze, not sure what to answer. You had been fighting with him for days now, but... he had been the one to tell you to stay away from Jeno.

So even if it hurt your pride, you didn’t pull away. You shook your head, and as he saw the lonely tears dragging their way down your cheeks, he felt his heart breaking a bit. He pulled on your arm, dragging you along with him to a room at the end of the corridor you had been standing in, the room you recognized as his own from the times you had hung out in there with him and Donghyuck. As you walked inside, he closed the door behind you and was just about to walk over to his bedside lamp to turn it on when-

You threw your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. You completely let go, no longer holding back your feelings. The tears that you had pressed back were now falling down your face rapidly. And if Jaemin’s heart didn’t break earlier, it sure did now.

He pulled his arms around you too, holding you close to him as you put your face into the soft material of his hoodie by his shoulder, letting it get wet from soaking up all of your tears. But he didn’t mind. One of his hands drew circles on your back, hoping to calm you down, as he started mumbling to you along the lines of “I’m here” and “you’ll be okay”.

As you finally calmed down a bit, you pulled away from him, wiping away the last of your tears on the back of your hand. Jaemin’s voice was low as he spoke. “What happened?”

“Jeno,” you sighed. “He- I saw him with another girl.”

He remained silent.

“Are you going to go all I told you so on me now?” you huffed, looking down on the floor.

“No, why would I?” he asked. You shrugged, shutting your eyes when you felt tears coming near again. “I’m sorry, really. I know how much you liked him and wanted it to work.” You didn’t know what to say, so you just sighed again. “A few days ago, he told me that he was seeing someone. And he said that he thought she was taking things too slow, so he was going to find someone else to have on the side.” You looked up at him. “I didn’t know he meant you at first, but when I found out you were seeing him, I told you to stay away but-“ He cut himself off, dragging a hand through his hair as his eyes wandered over the room. “I should’ve told you the truth right away. I’m sorry.”

You shook your head. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. “I should’ve listened to you.”

“I heard him talk shit about me to Renjun this morning, but the only reason he was even here in the house was that he had slept on the couch with some cheerleader in his arms.” You gasped. That’s why he’d known about Jaemin when he texted you earlier today? “That guy isn't good. Bad luck that it was him you got involved with.”

There was another moment of silence, but a comfortable one. You felt good. Sure, you were angry at Jeno, but you weren’t angry at Jaemin anymore; and frankly, that was more important.

“So... are we good?”

You nodded, and were about to stand up to go and get out of the room when you had an impulse you couldn’t control. And before you could think, you leaned forward and pushed your lips onto his.

[league-of-thots]

Cloudy Days and Summer Smiles - A BNHArem collab

Pairing: Aizawa x reader

Warnings: none (sfw), hurt and comfort, brief talking about abduction

Word Count: 4.6k

AN: I haven’t been able to do a collab in a while, but I was super excited to grab Aizawa for this one. If you want to see the other amazing works for the collab, click HERE. also a special thanks to @ikinabi​ for helping my dumbass with a banner, i love it so much red thank you <3. i hope you all enjoy this one

          Date nights weren’t really a part of Shouta’s and your relationship. With him constantly working his ass off, and you also having to work, there wasn’t a lot of time that the two of you could spend going out together. Not that you minded of course, snuggling up to your boyfriend and simply talking with him whenever the two of you had free time was probably your favourite thing in the world.

       You’d noticed though, that despite there being a summer break in school, that the pressure on Shouta to perform more in hero work had kept his stress levels and exertion really high. It hurt you to see your boyfriend constantly exhausted, yet he wouldn’t drop any of the extra hero shifts he’d been given recently.

       You knew why of course. You knew that he always wrapped up his self worth in his hero work and in passing on knowledge to students. Of course, that also made it more painful to see him work himself so hard, you know just how amazing he is, and yet he works himself to the bone trying to be better. So, you do your best to try to make things easier for him, going over to his apartment to tidy up sometimes, or making dinner there and leaving it on the stove for him to eat when he got home.

       You swear that one day you’re going to find where he hid his stupid stash of fruit pouches, that he swears are nutritional enough to be a meal. No matter how much you wheedle him, or show him facts, or just be plainly worried for him, he has an irrational attachment to them. He needed good food, and he needed a lot of it, because he worked a hell of a lot. Now if only you could get that through his head.

       So, it’s become another habit of yours to always bring over some healthy snacks, high in protein and salts to help him recover from tough work days and power through the next ones. You keep notice of things he likes or doesn’t like, and be sure to try and put some stashes of them in his cupboard so that he can see them before he goes to work. It’s made it a little better.

       He’s started doing a similar set of things for you, bringing you coffees if he was in the area where you worked. Another favourite were the fruit smoothies he’d make when you were feeling a bit down. Although he wants to be there for you more, you understand that he’s always stretched thin across two jobs, and you always make sure that he knows how much you love him despite that.

       You know that Shouta feels particularly upset when he has to cancel some of the few date nights the two of you have planned due to work. Of course, you don’t blame him, it’s a part of the man you fell in love with. You know you feel disappointed when it happens, but you always try to reassure him that it’s not because of him, its just the fact that you don’t get to see him. You hope it relieves some of the guilt he feels, because really, you’re proud of all his hard work, and love how steadfast he is all the time.

       Though you wish he really would take better care of himself.

       It was going to be a good weekend though, you were excited to spend it all with Shouta, who’d taken a weekend off for once. As soon as he’d gotten it confirmed, you’d started planning some little things the two of you could do together after not having seen each other for a few weeks. It had been tough, yes, but you’d made sure to call him every day or every other day two, and you’d made sure that you’d also dropped off some treats, putting them on his table so he’d actually notice them.

       He’d always send you the cutest cat videos to you, making sure to send a cute little message, his own way of telling you thanks. It makes you feel warm inside, the little gestures bringing you happiness that would brighten your day a bit.

       Anyways, to what you’d been planning. You knew that even on date nights that actually happened, Shouta always preferred lowkey events, something where the two of you could spend quality time with one another and just talk. You’d decided that you’d do your best to make a sweet little lunch for the two of you, and maybe even a dessert too. You’d looked up the weather and it was supposed to be sunny and partially cloudy, the perfect day for a picnic in the public gardens.

       You put on some nice clothes you always had for the hot summer air, and start packing up a basket you’d bought a while ago and never actually had the chance to use. You were practically giddy with excitement. The last six times you’d tried to see him, he’d had to cancel, and no matter how much you tried to push down the feeling of being unimportant, it stuck around.

       It wasn’t about you after all, it was about Shouta and the people he was helping. You can’t be so selfish about his time; you knew what his schedule was like before the two of you even started dating.

       Yet you couldn’t quiet that little voice in your head that said you were never going to be the most important thing in his life. That he’d give you up for the chance to do more to help as many people as he could.

       It burned shamefully within you, how could you distrust him, the one who showed his love for you in al his little gestures and acts of affection? But also, the times he’d snap, brush you off, act like it were a chore to actually be together… those things would keep you tossing and turning for long nights. You know that Shouta would reassure you and help you get over these feelings if you talked to him; you just couldn’t erase the fear that telling him would push him away.

       Which is why you were so excited to see him again, you know that seeing him and talking with him will wipe away those fears, like waves crashing onto a sandy beach. You know you can get over this yourself, there’s no need to drag your boyfriend into stupid insecurities. Especially over ones founded just off of coincidences.

       He has enough to worry about on his own, after all.

       You pack up the salmon sushi and the other little bites of food with the meal, put the pastries in a little tin and add it into your basket. Grabbing a soft blanket, you fold it, place it on top of the blanket and grab the sunhat Shouta had gotten you after you’d pointed it out on a walk you’d been on. Smiling at yourself in the mirror, you grab the basket and head out to go meet him.

        The gardens aren’t too far away from your house, and you enjoy a lazy walk, the sun warming you up. Near the gardens is a family park, and you hear children giggling and screaming in joy as they play with their parents. It softens your heart, and you feel you shoulders relax, not noticing them being tensed in the first place. Part of you imagines being one of those families with Shouta one day…

       You find a small hill within the gardens, the grass rather long and waving in the breeze, hundreds of flowers with multiple types surrounding you. Setting out the blanket, and the food, you take a picture of the area. You send it to your boyfriend, and you know that he’ll recognize the place you are from your many walks together. So, you lie out, relaxing your arms behind your head and gazing up at the sky, where clouds are slowly covering the baby blue with grey.

       Time passes, and you’re getting a little bit antsy. You’ve checked your phone, and you have no messages from Shouta, and it’s already been half an hour since the two of you were supposed to meet up. It wasn’t like him to not mention if he couldn’t make it. He always gave you a heads up in case something else had popped up. You sent him a quick text asking if he was alright, and if his plans were still the same.

       You got no response, and as you neared an hour of waiting you gave into the hunger in your stomach and ate the lunch you’d packed. You still saved the dessert though, the thought of eating any sweets poisoned by the sickening feeling that was settling within your stomach.

       You were worried, and called Shouta just to check in on him, but were greeted with a dial tone message. “Hey, Sho.” You start off a little quiet and you clear your throat. “I just wanted to check in on you, I haven’t heard from you all day, love. Just… let me know if you’re alright please. Love you.” You quickly hang up so he doesn’t hear your heavy sigh.

       What if he just didn’t want to deal with you anymore? You know it’s illogical and yet… its too coincidental a timing for your brain to let it go. Plus, he’d never skipped out on a meet up between the two of you without saying anything, and it was throwing your world off balance. You feel a wetness on your face, and you look up to see that clouds had completely covered the sky, and rain had started falling down from them.

       You laughed a little at the sight. Truly, this date was not supposed to happen, even the weather was showing you that. You leave one of the little plates of sushi out on the rock, not being able to bear taking it home on your own. You gather the now soaked blanket and the basket still full of treats you’d spent hours making.

       The cold rain patters down your back and you shiver as you begin your movements back in the direction of your home.

        You figure you’ll hear from Shouta soon. He might have completely neglected you on that day, but it was the first time anything like this had ever happened between the two of you. Maybe he’d just had a bad day, made a mistake. Maybe he’d forgotten to charge his phone, which had happened before. A few times you had answered your phone expecting to hear the loud voice of Hizashi, but receiving the soothing voice of your boyfriend.

       So you’re not very worried when the rest of the afternoon goes by and Shouta hasn’t made any contact with you. You text Hizashi to see if maybe Shouta had been with him, but no luck on that front. Hizashi had the week off from hero work, and hadn’t heard from Shouta today either.

       As more time went along, the more worried you got. All your insecurities started to bubble up, and all the mistakes you’d made in your relationship – even the small ones like forgetting he was lactose intolerant – started building up in your head. You’d probably driven him away with your constant affection, or maybe it had been the overbearing way you tried to help him. Maybe you weren’t pretty enough or good enough in bed for him, or maybe he just grew tired of you.

       By the time you usually went to bed, you were an anxious mess. There were so many possibilities, and your anxiety was telling you that none of them were good. Surely somewhere you’d fucked up.

       Knowing you have work tomorrow, you pop one of your sleeping aids and try desperately to get some semblance of rest. You know it’s going to be a rough night, but hopefully you can get enough rest that tomorrow will be bearable to you.

        Three days later, and Shouta still hadn’t reached out to you. You felt heartbroken that he hadn’t yet, and felt unfairly abandoned. Neither of his friends had heard from him either, and you doubt that they were covering up from him either, because you’d heard the worried undertones of their voice. It terrified you to think that the closest people in his life had no idea where he was or what he was doing.

       Unbidden images of your boyfriend bloody and broken in torn down places were constantly popping up into your brain. At this point, you just wanted to know if he was alive, because you’d gone to his apartment and there had been no sign of anyone having been there for a few days at least.

       You tried to keep your mind away from that dark place, and yet it would keep circling back, as if to say that the worst-case scenario was happening right at that very moment.

       It was driving you mad with worry, and you called the agency that Shouta was working for at the moment just in case they could tell you. Most of the time, you wouldn’t be allowed to know anything confidential. Even though you were the emergency contact for Shouta, you were still a civilian, and that meant that you were often left in the dark about certain conditions and events that your lover was a part of.

       “Hello, this is Sleep-stroke Agency, how may I direct your call.” The woman’s voice on the other side of the line was smooth and had a soft tone. It soothed your nerves enough to allow you to pull yourself together to find the words you needed.

       “Hi, um- this is Ms. Y/L/N. I’m the emergency contact for Aizawa Shouta, Eraserhead. He works for this agency at the moment.” You take another slow breath and let it out. “I’m calling because its been a few days since me, or his close hero friends had heard from him, and I was wondering if something had happened to him…” you taper off and you wait for the reply.

       You hear some quick typing in the background, a little mumbling that you can’t make out until she stops and clears her voice with a rather pointed cough. “Ah, I’m really sorry, but I cannot tell you, dear. That’s classified information.”

       “Can you at least tell me if he’s alive?” you plead with her, desperate. You should’ve known right away that something really major must’ve happened, how could you have ever doubted your Shouta?

       “The rules are clear, Ms. There was an unexpected circumstance that arose and needed Eraserhead’s presence. I cannot tell you any more detail than that.” Her voice drops the professional tone for a few seconds. “I know how hard this can be, hun. Please try to hold yourself together until you get some concrete news.”

       “Yes, of course. Thank you for your time.” You hang up and feel the energy drain from your body as you slump onto the couch.

       Guilt and worry and fear were all mixing into this toxic combination as you sat with all your thoughts, and you soaked in them, unable to gather the strength to pull yourself out. If something had happened to him, something serious, when you were worried about how good the desserts would taste, or if he were going to break up with you… Well, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself for a long time.

       In a daze you blindly call one of your friends, blearily noticing it’s the middle of the afternoon and she should be able to take your call. You needed some words of comfort right now, no matter who they’re from. You barely hear the hello she greets you with before you start sobbing into the phone uncontrollably.

        It’s been two weeks now, although you can’t tell from feeling it. It seems like no time has passed since you’d made that phone call to Shouta’s agency, your life had become a daze. Somehow you managed to go to work and make three meals a day for yourself, but you couldn’t really recall what you’d been doing. If someone were to ask you what you’d been doing, all you’d be able to reply with is nothing, because all you could do at home was blearily look at the walls, ceiling, window… Without any clear news, you were shrouded in this cloud of uncertainty, completely helpless on deciding what you should actually do in response to this nightmare.

       It was approaching your third anniversary, and you weren’t even sure if he was alive to celebrate it. That thought sobered you up, and you shakily made yourself some tea, to warm your hands which felt frozen at in your terror. You need something to ground you, something that will make everything feel real again, so you begin your breathing techniques. You listen to asmr, something that would often calm you.

       Eventually, with you working at it, you manage to calm yourself, despite the odds stacked against you. Needing a distraction, you turn on the TV as you curl up in a blanket near the fireplace on the side of your living room. Sleep had become your enemy during the few weeks, although you wanted nothing but the sweet embrace of numbness it would give you.

        You couldn’t sleep yet again, so you’d migrated to the couch to read a little bit and look over some of the news. Apparently, rompers were making a comeback, though you weren’t too surprised about that.

       It was all in the name of distraction anyways. The TV had gotten stale, and you felt yourself dripping into that scattered and anxious headspace, so you had to change it up, keep everything else at bay until you had an idea of what to do.

It’s one in the morning when you hear the weak knock at the door, and instantly, you’re on high alert, your nerves tingling. You quickly make your way up to it and use the peephole to catch a glimpse of whoever would be knocking on your door this late. You nearly burst into tears right then and there upon seeing your boyfriend’s face, bruised and scratched, but whole.

       You fumble with the locks in your haste to open it up, the desire to hold him, to make sure he was really there making your movements feel alien. “Shouta!” you cry as you finally fling it open, and you can see his eyes soften as he looks down at you.

       “Hi there, kitten. Can I come in?” his voice is hoarse and a little bit shaky, but his words are clear as a summer sky. You immediately throw your arms around him, squeezing him tight against you, and his head comes down onto your shoulder as he wraps his own around you as well.

       “Of course,” you say thickly, through new tears that threaten to spill from your eyes. “There’s always room in here for you, Sho.” You lead him into your living area, making him lie down on the couch while you sit on the floor by his head. You run your fingers through his hair, gently combing out the larger knots as you lay your head down onto his chest. His heart is thumping in a steady rhythm, and you start to relax as you realize that, no, this isn’t a dream. This is real, your boyfriend is alive and ok, though a little bit worse for wear.

       The two of you sit in silence for a little bit, his eyes closing and his breathing relaxing as he leans into the hand tangled in his hair. It brings a soft smile to your face, and you file away the memory to be able to look back on.

       “Shouta, I’m going to get you some tea if you’d like it.” You say softly, almost afraid to disturb the little bit of peace the two of you have made on your couch at 1 in the morning. His eyes open lazily and he nods his assent, and you go to get his favourite blend you have sitting in the top shelf with your other types.

       Once the kettles done its work, you bring two cups over to coffee table. Shouta has already sat up and accepts the tea with a small smile as you move to sit beside him. The two of you drink in silence for a little while, not afraid to disturb anything, but simply to preserve the moment before talks need to happen.

       As the two of you finish, he clears his throat. “I’m sorry for missing our picnic, love.” He says, rather gruffly, as if to hide the thick emotion knotting his words. “I- well I wasn’t expecting to have to go to another city.”

       “Why did you, they said it was some classified mission, even Hizashi and Nemuri had no idea. They were scared, and honestly… that was terrifying.” You tell him the truth, because that’s how the two of you are, valuing clarity in your relationship.

       He fiddles a little with the scarf that’s always present around his shoulders. “The whole thing was a setup. I got on the train early that morning and was knocked unconscious.” He starts in a monotone voice, factually, as if he were still processing it himself. “I didn’t even know how much time had passed until I’d woken up in the hospital two days ago. I was unconscious for most of my stay there, and they didn’t give me access to anything or anyone until they were sure I was clear.”

       “Oh my god…” Your eyes had widened as you looked at him with horror, it sounded so much worse than he was saying. You pulled him close to you. He was trembling just barely beneath your grasp, a sign of just how intense the past couple of weeks had been for him. You try your best to be a rock for him, comforting him and listening to him talk about what he could. He didn’t go into graphic detail, but just the bare bones had you fighting back anger and sadness. He shouldn’t have had to go through that.

       You help him get ready for sleep, bringing him some extra clothes and taking out the spare toothbrush you had for him. He thanks you with a swift kiss to your forehead, and you giggle before going back to the other room to clean up the dishes. You made the decision there, that you wouldn’t bring up your insecurities to him until he was back into the groove of daily life, and had time to recover.

       After cleaning yourself up, you drag Shouta to bed, and the two of you fall asleep wrapped in each others arms.

        About a month had passed since that night where Shouta had come to your doorstep early in the morning and wrecked. Since then things had begun their return to normalcy, something which both relieved you and at the same time made you a little nervous. You weren’t sure how to ever broach the topic you wanted to with him.

       Which was illogical, as he would say. You know he takes you seriously, and that he’d want to put your fears at rest. But, part of you feels so guilty for even thinking of doubting him, and you don’t want to hurt him like that. You trust him more than anyone, you just had a lack of faith in yourself that was hard to ignore sometimes.

       The opportunity came when he suggested the two of you tried to do the picnic once again, much to your delight. He’d asked softly if you would make the same meal again, he said it had looked delicious and he wanted to try it. You could only smile and agree, knowing how much he hated cooking himself, but loved yours heartily.

       You’d done much the same thing as last time, though now, with a little trepidation just due to the fact that last time you’d tried this, Shouta had gotten kidnapped. But there was nothing else to do other than to shake yourself out of it and move forwards. So that’s what you did.

       You made your way to the same area, heart pattering as you found the spot empty. He wasn’t there yet, that much was clear, but that was normal, he wasn’t a tardy man, but he also didn’t see the use of going to things earlier than he had planned.

       Ten, fifteen, thirty minutes go buy, and with each passing minute, you feel your heart grow heavier. Why did such shitty things happen to you on what were supposed to be events filled with happiness? There are still no clouds in the sky though, and you look up and stare into the never ending blue. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, and you’d just have to live with that.

       You don’t remember closing your eyes, but you do remember the soft laugh of your boyfriend waking you up. You open your eyes blearily to the beautiful sight of your boyfriend smiling happily and it brings a sleepy smile to your face.

       “Shouta! You came.” You exclaim happily. He looks a bit confused at that.

       “Of course I did, Y/N, why wouldn’t I?” Curse your still half-asleep brain. You didn’t want to bring it up like this.

       “It’s nothing,” you try to brush it off, knowing it likely won’t work.

       “Obviously not. Tell me what’s wrong.”

       “It’s really stupid looking back on it…”

       “I don’t care about that kitten, just be honest with me.”

       “It’s not a slight on you at all though, okay? Keep that in mind please, Shouta.”

       He looks confused for a second. “Of course.”

       You take a deep breath. “It’s just that, it was really hard to see you for a few weeks before you had your unplanned trip.” He nods his agreement. “I knew it wasn’t the case, but I got worried that maybe I wasn’t interesting enough, or I was holding you back from things. Then you didn’t show for our date and I panicked a bit, thought you might’ve found a way to just move on from me. I know you’re the most amazing thing that’s happened to me in my life, and I’m just terrified of losing that.” You can’t look in his eyes the shame pulling your gaze down.

       “Hey,” he says softly, pulling your head up gently, until you’re forced to look into his eyes. “I’m not going to fault you for having insecurities. Everyone has them.”

       “I know, Sho, but you’ve been nothing short of amazing to me, and here I am doubting you.”

       “Well, I don’t blame you. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in thoughts and start to spiral into overthinking. But here’s the truth. I am in love with you. You make my days better, and give me something to look forwards to on long days and nights.” You smile up at him, eyes a little misty.

       “Good thing I feel the same way then, huh?” you giggle, trying to pull a laugh out of him. You get a small smirk instead, which satisfies you.

       He leans into you and presses a soft kiss on your lips, light and fully of love. When you chase after him, he pulls away a bit laughing, so you tackle him to the ground and start to pepper his face with kisses.

       The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and its there you realize just how much you love him as he stares up at you like you’re the sun in the sky.

[satendou]

so 2020 is (finally) coming to a close and i’ve hemhawed about doing this because i’m terrible with words but i feel it’s well deserved. honestly i haven’t struggled with this year nearly as bad as a lot of people, and for that i’m as grateful as i am sorry for those who have.

that being said, this is my appreciation post for everyone i’ve come to be friends with, and of course i have to start with my core group and the loves of my life. thank you for looking past my intimidating exterior to find out that i’m really just an asshole underneath and sticking around anyway:

@keijiskitten: where do i even start? you’re the first person i think of when i have any type of horny thought, and always the first person i come to to talk about it. i know things are tough for you right now but i’m always here for you!

@kenmalof: you are literally chaos incarnate, a disaster, and i can honestly say one of my best friends. i actually cannot go a day without talking to you at least for a few minutes, and i love you sm.

kiwi, i know you probably won’t see this but i’m putting it here anyway. you’re aren’t “just kizo”, you’re the person i come to for serious advice, when i’m really not sure what to do when dealing with actual people and when i’m feeling out of control of things. i know we haven’t been talking that much because of personal things, but know i’m always thinking of you!

the one good thing that came out of one piece (besides katakuri) was meeting the three of you and i’m so glad you decided to join that server because i never knew what i was missing before i met you. no

next up are five people i met in the hq fandom and they have cemented themselves in my heart:

@honey-makki: kris! i know we haven’t been talking all that much and a lot of it is my fault but know i always think of you even when i’m too tired to talk. it’s unreal how easy it was to talk to you right from the beginning, like seriously, i didn’t expect it. but i’m so glad you got wine drunk that night that we started talking.

@cno-inbminor: date night, date night, date night! also among us, also also criminal minds! more seriously, you came into the server and i didn’t expect it to become what it has (nothing on you, i’m just like that). i’m always so happy to see you in chat, or my dms, or occasionally my inbox. you deserve a much less flaky wife, but i’m glad you picked me.

@xakusa MY MORTY. we haven’t talked in a few days which, again, my fault. but like with kay i’m always so happy to see you in chat or my dms, and i always smile whenever we talk, even if it’s only for a few minutes. you turned me onto gao and i will be forever grateful for that.

@cosmicmermaid25: another one i didn’t expect to happen, but here we are. you turned me into a nash fucker and i’ll never forgive you, but it’s okay because you feed my knb addiction. i adore talking to you about literally anything, and i hope you get that job!

@semiisemi: we’ve only really recently started talking more properly, but honestly i’m so glad i came into your dms to verify your age??? a fellow gaara stan and so sweet! you’ve made me lowkey wanna binge shippuden again, so thanks for that. i’m sorry i’m such a flake but i promise it’s nothing on you!

honorable mentions (because i love you guys to pieces for the support you’ve given me, even if we don’t really talk too much):

@dxddykeiji: sammy! lowkey always surprised to see you in my inbox but i’m always happy to have you! you’ve been more supportive than i could ever have imagined and it means the world to me.

@newfriendjen: we’ve been mutuals almost from the very beginning and i’ve always, always appreciated your reblogs and little notes in my inbox. i’ve been terrible about returning the favor but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate it.

llama: my fuckin sangwoo anon for some reason??? that still makes me laugh to think about, and i love you sm for all of that. other people were probably tired of it but i’ll fight them for you.

so to summarize: i’m a flake and terrible about answering messages even though i really really want to, i’m terrible about reaching out and interacting with people first, and i’m terrible at expressing emotions, but that really doesn’t mean that i don’t appreciate anything and everything you guys and so many others have done for me on this blog and my last.

oh last and absolutely least honorable goes to @seita:

bitch

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: Are you okay? My parents would've paid for a cab if they weren't sober enough to drive you back Amelia: My dad was [somewhere nearby cos JJ live in town] Jac: Oh, right Jac: you seized your opportunity then, alright Jac: Is still should've gone with to make sure Amelia: I didn't want her to, she was in too excitable a mood Jac: lol, can't really fault you that Jac: you got a headache, yeah? Amelia: I got the aura so I knew it was time to leave, last time I ignored that I was sick everywhere Jac: That's fair Jac: you do not want that unless you've had a really wild night Amelia: sorry I didn't say bye Jac: well that's okay, if you didn't have time Jac: we were just worried Amelia: is Is okay? I was probably a bit rude to her Jac: Don't worry, she seems fine Jac: you know her Amelia: yeah Amelia: alright cool Jac: make sure you stay hydrated, yeah Jac: and no more screentime Amelia: I'll 😴 it off if I can Jac: Sounds like a plan 🙂 Amelia: it sounds 😕 but I couldn't stay Jac: you can't help that you get migraines Jac: it must be so crap for you Amelia: we've all got crap to deal with Amelia: I wouldn't swap Sav for hers Jac: 😢 I know Jac: she deals so well, considering how fresh it all is Amelia: Where's her boyfriend at? It's not technically a night you can get away with chucking fireworks at your mates or cars Jac: Out on the lash with his mates Jac: or something Amelia: very supportive Jac: yeah, I know Jac: oh well, she had us Amelia: you, you mean Jac: are you not her friend too? Amelia: that's up for debate, but she'd win it over me Amelia: so it probably depends what she wants the answer to be Amelia: and who's asking Jac: She definitely views you as a friend Amelia: okay Jac: No, come on, you don't think she does? Amelia: I know she doesn't Jac: Why do you think that? Amelia: I know it because she's said a handful of words to me lately & all of them are in some way bitchy or patronising Jac: How many have you said to her? Jac: and how nice have you been to her? Amelia: I don't like her, I'm not going to act like I do Jac: Then the issue is a you thing, isn't it Jac: Savannah does like you, and it's not really on to say you know otherwise, simply because that's how you feel about her Amelia: no, it's a me and her clash Amelia: it isn't one-sided Jac: Okay, if you say so Jac: but I don't see her trying to start anything with you, and like I said, I've told you she's told me privately that she likes you Jac: she knows you aren't her biggest fan though Amelia: she would say that to you Jac: Now you're being ridiculous Amelia: no I'm not, she wants me to look like I'm the dickhead and it's clearly working Jac: well no, what she wants is friends who can support her through this tough time and not make her life any more shit Jac: I really do not think she has the time, never mind the desire, to play games to make you look like some kind of villain ??? Jac: we seriously do not need to be that dramatic about things Amelia: fine Jac: it clearly isn't but I'm not going to agree with you Jac: you're not feeling well right now, you're just lashing out Amelia: you sound as patronising as her now Jac: for giving you an excuse for your behaviour? Jac: it's being gracious Amelia: I don't need to be fucking excused Amelia: I haven't done anything wrong Jac: You're being rude to Savannah and now you're being rude to me Jac: you're attacking and saying you're being attacked Jac: just calm down and we can come back to this when you aren't in such a state Amelia: yeah because she's the only one whose dramatics you indulge Amelia: I haven't been rude to her, I've made an effort Amelia: it doesn't change my opinion Jac: You're accusing her of having some plot right now, also of not liking you, being bitchy and patronising...yeah, that's rude, Amelia Jac: and oddly enough, when she went off crying, it was not about you Jac: call it dramatics if you want, but I'd say her home life situation warrants more empathy and listening to than whatever this idea, about us being against you or something, that you've concocted does Amelia: I'm not on her radar when she isn't subtly slagging me off or wishing I'd fuck off, obviously it wasn't about me Amelia: the latter is way less subtle though Jac: You're right in that I'm not indulging this Jac: you're just wrong, that's it Jac: but if you won't listen to reason, and me, then there's nothing else I can do to change your mind Amelia: you wanting me to be wrong doesn't make me wrong Jac: you having no proof for her dislking you, bar the fact you dislike her, doesn't make it true Jac: if you want to walk around thinking people have a problem with you when they don't, that's your call Jac: it's sad but it's clearly an internal issue Amelia: there's proof in every group chat if you want to go back & read it Jac: the fact you're in a group chat together, to plan to do stuff, to talk, kinda negates that Amelia: no it doesn't Jac: totally, when you hate someone and want them to fuck off, you choose to spend time talking to them when you don't have to Amelia: she doesn't spend any time talking to me Jac: well it isn't a private chat Jac: do you expect her to ignore me and Is? Jac: if you wanna have a 1x1 she'd be more than happy, like Amelia: Oh, she ignores Is plenty Amelia: but that's not my fight to have Jac: 🙄 I can assure you, we understand how DMs work Jac: if we wanted to talk just us, we would, and do Jac: and Is seems fine to me, like I said Amelia: great Jac: 🤷 okay then Amelia: 👋 Jac: I hope you feel better when you wake up Amelia: thanks Jac: Night Amelia: goodnight Jac: [hope you do go to sleep so you don't see those gay ass stories] Amelia: [you know she will because she's not actually sick soz gal] Jac: [i mean, you do have 24 hours so bit of a long shot when you're this in love lol] Amelia: [everyone gonna be seeing it including Ty who has been lowkey ignored all night as well] Amelia: [we should say she writes something but then deletes it so Jac only knows she deleted it for the sheer gay drama of it] Jac: [none of y'all got invites to this sleepover, but yes 1000%] Jac: ? Amelia: 🤨 Jac: butt-dial? Amelia: why would I be sitting on my phone? Amelia: I'm not thrashing about with a 🤒 Jac: I don't know why you'd delete a message either Jac: unless you sent me something really 💦 meant for someone else, in which case I wanna know anyway Amelia: I can nurse myself Amelia: though there are loads of lads who would put me to sleep Jac: 🙀 Amelia! Amelia: no Amelia: 🥱 NOT whatever you're thinking Jac: Sure 😉😂 Amelia: 😣 Jac: So grouchy Jac: I'd know if you were texting someone Amelia: would you? Jac: of course Jac: what secret have you ever kept from me? Amelia: I didn't need to before Jac: you don't need to now Jac: you aren't going to shock me with your thirst Amelia: I'm staying hydrated like you instructed Amelia: there's nothing to tell, which is why I pressed delete Jac: What did you say? Amelia: if I repeat it there was literally no point in deleting it Amelia: so no, nothing Jac: Well why did you? Amelia: because it's 😳 Jac: how 😳 can it be Jac: we've known each other at our most cringe Amelia: that was us both being awkward not just me making a massive tit of myself Jac: rude Jac: you're meant to disagree Amelia: alright, I'll lie Jac: you're already being very sneaky, you may as well Amelia: okay Jac: no, tell me, dickhead! Amelia: rude Jac: you're rude Jac: you know you can't just take back a message Amelia: I have & I win Jac: you can't do it without leaving evidence Jac: and I'm not just going to drop it Amelia: 🙄 Jac: why are you saying shit to my virtual face then Amelia: how else am I supposed to speak to you? Jac: I'm not going to apparate into your room 'cos you fancy having a go Jac: don't be a baby, what did you say Amelia: maybe I was saying sorry but you're so undeserving I took it back Amelia: that'd be fitting Jac: oh right, your whole conspiracy theory Jac: you forgot for a hot sec you believed in that, yeah, sure Amelia: it's typical of you to only give a shit about what I'm trying to say when I'm not saying it anymore Jac: you left without saying anything earlier Jac: then you wouldn't speak to me 'cos you were in a huff but yeah, pop off Amelia: I didn't have time to search your 🏠 for you earlier Jac: and I said it was okay but don't act like I was ignoring you Amelia: you were Amelia: but I get it, Savannah's in greater need Jac: oh my God, do you actually get it though Jac: like could you Jac: because this is really gross Amelia: of course I do, her parents are mental and it's horrible Jac: I mean, nicely put Jac: so you don't need to be snippy with me about needing to spend like 10 minutes alone so she can talk about it without my whole family standing around Amelia: I was the one who told you, ages ago, so you already know what I mean Amelia: and I'm not, I'm explaining why I left without saying anything before you hold it against me any harder Jac: you aren't just explaining though, because that was never the question Jac: you said I was ignoring YOU Jac: I said it was fine you left, you had a migraine Amelia: because it's not just about 10 minutes alone so she can cry on your shoulder and you fucking know it's not Jac: you don't like her Amelia: she takes over everything, including my birthday Jac: She was just trying to make sure you had a nice time Amelia: then why didn't I? Amelia: if she really cares so much about what I want, why wasn't it perfect? Jac: She's not a miracle worker Jac: I'm just saying she tried, can you fault someone for having good intentions? Amelia: she cares about you two having a good time, she doesn't try with me Amelia: because guess what, chucking money at something doesn't actually count Amelia: you used to know that Jac: you can't say how much she does or doesn't try Jac: maybe she's really trying, and I happen to think she is, and I've got it on better authority than you Jac: as you said, it's not as if she's had close friends before really Jac: you could give her a break instead of being ungrateful about it Amelia: you could give me a break Jac: no, you're being mean Jac: and blaming her for problems you're having Jac: like how dare she treat you? Amelia: the problem is that you used to care how I feel about things and apparently now you don't Jac: I can care without indulging pointless bitchery Jac: if you told me what was actually wrong with you, I'd listen, I'd do whatever I could to help, you know that Amelia: no, you're not listening Jac: You aren't saying anything Jac: you keep slagging Savannah off, and I counter that and then you stop Jac: what is actually going on Amelia: I've been saying the same thing this entire time, for fuck's sake Jac: When you wanna say what's actually going on with you, and think about that in a way that doesn't involve Savannah Jac: then I'm here waiting Amelia: I don't want to spend time with her, I want to spend it with you Amelia: Why can't we literally EVER? Why does she have to be involved in literally everything? Jac: We do spend time without her Jac: but we can't exclude her when she wants to be involved, she's our friend Amelia: she's not my friend Amelia: I'm trying, I am Jac: okay, she's my friend though Jac: we can spend time together, alright Amelia: okay Jac: pick a day, pick something to do, let me know Amelia: sure, put me on the spot Jac: 🙄 god, not RIGHT now Jac: but give me something more committal than that 'okay' or it won't happen Amelia: okay!! Amelia: are you happy now? Amelia: I just said how much I miss you Jac: like I'm that desperate for attention, again, rude Amelia: clearly not if I have to be the one begging you for yours Jac: oh hush Jac: I invited you to something like, literally 5 seconds ago Jac: you were the one that ruined it with your 🤕 Amelia: I didn't mean to ruin anything Jac: I'm joking Jac: I'll survive Amelia: I'm serious Amelia: and sorry, obviously Jac: it's fine, actually fine Jac: you shouldn't worry about it Amelia: if you want me to try harder, I'll try harder, alright Jac: I'd appreciate it Jac: I think she would too, and you Jac: getting along would just be easier Jac: you don't have to be like, her own personally cheerleader Amelia: I can't work miracles either Jac: you said you'd try Jac: I don't know why it's so hard for you but I can't really ask more than that Amelia: you really don't get it? Jac: No, I really don't Amelia: okay Jac: I'll leave you to it Amelia: bye again Jac: You have planning to do Amelia: you love a competition Amelia: what happens if I lose? Jac: What competition? Jac: I'm not planning anything Amelia: so it's a test instead Amelia: it's the same question Jac: we can still hang out, as you asked Jac: I'll just be bored if you pick something boring, I suppose Amelia: when have I EVER picked anything boring? Jac: 🤷 Jac: we'll see Amelia: don't 🤷 at me Amelia: you've never been bored Jac: you're so touchy 😂 Jac: I can't do anything Friday, by the way, so don't pick Friday Amelia: do you want to assign me a day? Jac: Probably Sunday Jac: I'm working after school every other day Jac: Saturday is up in the air right now Amelia: alright Jac: free time is just not a thing I have Amelia: I know, I'm not touchy about that bit Jac: I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're not boring, Amelia Jac: what kind of midlife crisis Amelia: Shut up, I don't need that from you Amelia: I'm well aware Jac: 👉😠 Amelia: you don't need to teach me sign language either Jac: you're gonna side with the 12 year old asshole on that, are you Jac: yeah that's about right mentality wise 🙄 Amelia: according to you there aren't any sides, we're all friends and everything is 🌹y Amelia: so no Jac: Jude isn't our friend, she's my sister and she's a little bitch sometimes Amelia: yeah, again, I know Amelia: Savannah's the one who needs family introductions Jac: She knows who everyone is Jac: you're being so whiny, it's just annoying now Amelia: leave me to it then, that's what you said you were going to do Jac: Yeah, and I definitely will now Jac: christ, is it any wonder I'm not electing to spend time with just you Jac: think about it Amelia: It's already all I think about Amelia: I don't want to fight with you Jac: it's not hard, Amelia Jac: as I said, Savannah doesn't devote her time to bitching about you, or anyone else Jac: nor does she walk around with a massive strop on all the time Amelia: I'm sorry Amelia: what do you want me to say? Jac: Just stop acting like this Amelia: I'm not acting like anything, that's the problem Amelia: it's how I feel Jac: You're gonna have to sort it out Jac: it's not healthy for you Jac: or good for us or anyone else Amelia: I said I'll try Jac: you've got to Jac: it's for your own best interest Amelia: yeah Jac: yeah Amelia: 👋

[magmahurricane]

A decade of friends - in no order, here’s to all the amazing people in my life old and new!

@shinkumancer : I remember following your work waaay back in the Archie Comic days. I had always been too shy to approach you, but I loved your work. I still remember so much of your Egg Boss art and it’s insane how far you’ve come. You’re still one of the sweetest, kindest people I know and I always enjoy the little drawpile sessions we have! 

@zlatis-art : We haven’t been friends for very long - it’s roughly been a year, now, but it feels like we’ve been friends longer. Something just... clicked when we met, and god I came on strong looking back! I don’t regret it tho - taking the plunge and letting you into my life was such a good call. You’re super patient and you strive so hard to treat everyone fairly and give people so much love. You’ve come such a long way with both your OCs and your art, and our calls are always so much fun! 

@sege-h : Would you believe I actually don’t remember exactly how we met...? I know it had something to do with the Sonic RPC iirc. But you’ve always been such a wonderful source of optimism and joy, and I love our talks! You’ve always been so supportive of me and I don’t know how to thank you for it?? I need to draw Storm and Carey doing more shenannigans when I get better!

@rainingautumn : I also don’t recall how, other than vague recollections of the Sonic RPC I think. I feel like I learned so much from you - you’ve provided me with different perspectives, which really helped me open my eyes to a lot of things. You’ve always been such a warm, positive presence while still standing firm and speaking up for yourself, which is so hard to do. I love your little messages, even if I don’t always know how to respond to them!

@boy-of-silence : You’re legit one of my oldest friends around and looking back on where we started it’s honestly kind of insane? We met on dA and we were practically babies like??? It’s insane, I remember so much and it all blurs together like mad, but we’ve always just sorta stuck by each other and I’m always so happy to see you on my dash. You got me into Homestuck, and you made me curious about Bioshock (I still need to finish Infinite), and I still remember the little art collabs we used to do...! I got nothing but good memories!

@kismeti : We don’t talk much, but I’m hoping to change that soon! I love your work, and you’ve put so much into your OCs. Seeing you tweet about petsites makes me think about Neopets and I age 500 years every time,, You honestly seem so sweet and kind and I can’t wait to see what more you’re gonna share with us in the new year!

@fini-mun : I don’t talk with you as much as I should (purely because I’m shy as all get out) but you’ve honestly been such an inspiration to me. You’re so incredibly kind and patient -- I still have that doodle you sent me while I had been down in the dumps. I remember I found you so intimidating when I first met you on dA, when I first tried to commission you -- and watching you grow as an artist and getting to know you has been so great! You don’t know how much I smiled that night when I expressed how I knew nothing about BatIM and you up and streamed the entire game live. I know we were both excited to play FO76 together and that was a let down for like, the entire fandom. But we should definately hang sometime and do stuff! Give your ratties my love!!

@oddpastrys : JAAADE,,, I vaguely remember meeting you in one of Kaden’s streams,, and then in Joan’s weird campaign. You’ve always been such a fun, energetic person and you always bring the best jokes. Deadass, watching RWBY with you both ruined it and enhanced it. You’re so much fun to be around and you always work so hard to cheer everyone up and please everyone, and we don’t say thank you often enough - I don’t thank you often enough. You’re so sweet and fun to be around and I’m 100% not sorry about all the horrible, horrible things I’ve made you see. 

@calderscauldron : Kaden!!! You’re another one of my oldest friends, and it’ll never be wild to me how insanely lucky it was that I happened to move to the same state as you. I remember when we were dumb kids on dA, and how you used to joke about kidnapping me -- and how my first thought when getting to Texas was “I should see where this guy lives and meet up!” sjkfdjkfs It’s been a helluva ride and I don’t regret it. We had our bumps and fallouts but we’ve always worked through it all -- and your art has come such a long way. You’re always so sweet and so much fun to be around.  You deserve so many nice things and I can’t thank you enough for sticking by my dumb ass for so long!

@haunted-pixel : Yet another decade-old friendship! Bronwyn it’s been such a fucking wild ride. I still remember your old OCs from back in the day; I remember our gryphon friend group, and our lizard group and screaming about digimon, I remember getting really into Kimba/Jungle Emperor Leo cos of you and your OCs, I remember all the drawings of Z and Miki. I remember Nuki and the others. It’s been such a long time and so much has changed around us both. We don’t talk as much anymore but I’m always thrilled when we do hit eachother up on twitter!! I seriously gotta draw more Carey x Zanity sometime. You’ve also just, improved so much as an artist and branched out so much?? Your plushies and your fursuits are absolutely amazing and I can’t believe how far you’ve come! I also still have the sketches you and your sister did for me when I was technically homeless and stuck in the hospital and I’ll always treasure them - and the Nack you made for me is still sitting cozy on my shelf, along with the yeen and Sonic you sent!

@nuttyrabbit : My absolute best friend!!! And probably most unexpected friend! I remember seeing your posts in the Archie Sonic tag way back when, and how my asshole ex used to rant about how she hated you for w/e reason. I used to be so intimidated by you because you told it how it is, and I respected your opinion so I was always lowkey afraid you thought I was stupid and hated my ideas/OCs. But even before we got close, you stuck your neck out for me when things got bad between my ex and me. And in 2018, we finally just started to click with our OC stuff.  Lady Luck became a huge comfort dynamic for the both of us. You always argue against it but I still say you’re one of the kindest people I know. You always try to look out for me and find ways to lend a hand when things get tough, you’re always trying to help me when I’m down and you go out of your way to cheer me up and I can’t thank you enough. Meeting you at RTX this year was incredible.  Thank you so much for being you. <3 

@finitevus : We don’t talk much but I can’t not add you!!! You’ve been so kind and supportive to me, and artistically you’ve always been such a big inspiration. I love your character designs and your writing is so so good, and you always strive to be so positive and warm to others and I promise I’m not ignoring you when you reach out; I’m just very shy and dumb ankjdjkfs I need to,,, say hello on discord sometime. And draw you many things!

@lightdax : You’re always a whole lot of fun and I refuse to apologize for your eyes with half the shit you’ve been exposed to by proxy. You’ve always been really sweet and you’ve really been pushing to improve this past year and it shows! Take time off your mayoral duties for the town of Cuckoldia and put up your OC bios tho! @nvllspace : I,, gotta tag ur RP blog cos IDK ur personal but JACKKIIEE. You’re so sweet and fun and your art is always such a treat. You came through with helping me realize just how toxic a certain person I needed to cut out of my life was, and you’ve always been so kind and supportive. You’re always a blast in our calls and I love your AUs so much! Also you need to stop having so many gorgeous characters cos holy shit,,,

@frecklefacefromouterspace : Nixe!  You’re usually busy these days but whenever we do catch you it’s always fun. If it wasn’t for your old server, the current server wouldn’t have even existed and you brought us all together! You’re always so sweet and bubbly and you have one of the cutest, most distinct styles I know.

And to all my other mutuals - thank you all so much for sticking by me!  I’m having difficulty typing now so I’m sorry I couldn’t get to everyone but sincerely: thank you, all of you, for making these past years such an amazing ride. I’ve learned so much from each of you and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2020!

[prorevenge]

Hurt my friend? I'll force you to drop out of college

So in my first year of university, I lived in a flat with five other girls. Next-door to our flat was a studio flat, where one girl lived alone. During the first week, she joined our flat for a party, and became friends with all six of us. Let's call her Mary. Mary had been long-term dating a boy who lived in another county in an open relationship. She was very fun to be around, and we all got on really well.

Time goes by and she visits us regularly for company. Through this she ends up meeting most of my friends, including my best friend, who we'll call Sarah (as she has a part to play in this story). Mary opens up about her shitty family, and how her parents never taught her to cook anything -- so me being me, I offer for her to come round one night and I'll teach her how to cook her first meal. We agree on a simple stir fry to start us off, and I bought the ingredients. On the night, she tells me about her relationship; and how she's looking to experiment with specifically women (and how her bf had given her permission); and how she found asian people particularly attractive. She was well aware that me and my friend group are mostly LGBT girls, and I'm pretty clearly asian. I'm a kind of stereo-typically attractive woman; and have experienced similar uncomfortable situations with men many times... so without her directly asking in the first place, I made it clear I wasn't into doing that and she happily told me that was totally okay.

She tells me about her passion for becoming a nurse, and more about her bf; and how she gets a little jealous sometimes, causing her to look through his phone often when they're together. That struck me as really unhealthy, so I told her it was. She found it weird I thought it was a bad thing to do. That should have been a huge red flag for me there and then, but I'm a big idiot who always tries to see the best in people. I tell her to maybe stop that habit and just trust him (as the way she talked about it made her sound like she was an r/ nicegirl who somehow scored with some poor pushover of a dude and it worried me a bit).

As the night goes on, my flatmates all arrive and hang out. When everyone was there, Mary let as know that our front door closes really loud when we leave it to shut automatically, and directly through the wall was her bed. It wakes her up often, so we should always slowly, manually close the door ourselves so as not to wake her up ever (she gets very tired as she's doing a nursing degree with crazy hours). We all agree to do this for her because it's not much effort for us, and the night ends.

Fast forward a few months and I need to find a place to live in my second year of university. I go looking for houses with Mary, as Sarah was staying in the same place for the next year and all my current flatmates had already arranged stuff (I had left it late like a fool). A lot of my friends had spare places in flats, but like Mary I was going to try to rent in a house, so we go to visit a 2-person small house on the nice side of town with her parents. It's lovely, I can *just* afford it and everything's fine except Mary keeps getting angry with her parents for what looked like no good reason. I would understand some hostility if you grew up with such a bad family, but she was actively berating and shouting at her parents in front of the estate agent. I don't know why I overlooked it... probably because my own family wasn't great and I still thought that much negativity was okay? Fuck, I dunno.

The estate agents' office we went to seemed a little dodgy, which made me feel uneasy. Mary desperately wanted a place to live though as she had nobody else to go with (in hindsight I freaking wonder why); and she pressured me very hard to sign. So I reluctantly do the tenancy agreement, and we're set to move in next year, no backing out now, deposit laid, all that. I'm a little nervous, but I'm convinced Mary has some good in her heart and that she can learn to be a better person while we live together with my love and encouragement. She likes my company because I'm always trying to put a smile on her face even when she's down, and I'm hoping she'll learn she can be happy when she's with the right people for her.

She tells me that she doesn't let her boyfriend interact with other girls, and she doesn't let me see him when he visits. She outright asks me to try sexual stuff with her a few times over the months, using her depression as a pity card. I say no each time, and worry starts to grow inside me about how I was going to have to move in with this person... I felt grateful our bedroom doors would have locks on them.

My flatmates started getting uncomfortable around her. They were all straight, and her lowkey sexual behaviour towards them made them ask me if that was okay; and made me irritated that she was reinforcing that whole gay-predator stereotype on them. We were her only friends though, so I told everyone to just try and help her learn to be better, as long as they were okay and comfortable with that. My kind flatmates all did just that, bless them! The fact Mary was getting good influences from these people boosted my assurance that she'd break out of her toxic attitude just like how I and so many other people did as teens.

One night, I get a message from Mary. She says she's feeling incredibly depressed, and asks if she could come over for company. It was late as hell, so I just left it on unread and went back to trying to sleep. About half an hour later, I hear scuffling coming from the other side of the wall, where Mary's apartment is; something very unusual. I felt bad for ignoring her message, but I was tired and couldn't bear any of her burdens tonight, so I let it go and went to sleep. We were meeting the next day anyway to discuss our housing situation for next year over a cup of tea.

The following morning, I wake up to see a BILLION messages from Sarah. Apparently, Mary called Sarah over since Mary was feeling depressed and needed company. Sarah is a strong and tough person, but our first year of university was a stressful time for her and her head was a bit of a mess, and she was uncomfortable in her own body. Even though it was late, she went over to Mary's place, where it was weirdly boiling hot (Mary cranked up the central heating no doubt). This meant Sarah had to strip down to just her tank top... and I won't spare you the details, but Mary peer-pressured Sarah into getting into Mary's double bed together in a "girly sleepover" type way, and then did something very illegal. Sarah didn't know what to do, and was too scared to leave afterwards. She had a horrible, horrible night; and sneaked out once Mary was asleep.

I'm a passionate person, I'd say, but I'm not generally angry. I learned that when you look like me, nobody takes you seriously when you get angry. However, I was shamelessly pissed off. Mary was being a pretty bad friend recently, and that final act of shittiness set me COMPLETELY over the edge and then some.

Despite that, Sarah took priority. I messaged the flat group chat with a "block Mary on social media, I'll explain when I get back," while Sarah and I went to the student support office and explained everything. She was traumatised as hell, and seeing strong Sarah completely break down over something Mary had done made me absolutely fucking livid. I felt this crazy mix of sadness, pity, and pure rage; seeing my sweet best friend in such a state. She did nothing wrong and had been going through some tough times - it was the last thing on earth she needed. She didn't want to press charges as her family had no money, there was nothing she could do.

I needed to get out of the tenancy agreement for next year. I was absolutely kicking myself for signing it in the first place. I went into that estate agents' office with little-to-no plan, other than "get out in any way possible, even if it means flirting your way through." It wasn't pretty and I felt awful, but somehow, I managed. I was free from living with her at the expense of my day and dignity, which made me even more pissed off.

The arranged time of our meeting at her apartment was approaching. I was well-aware of how I'd just absolutely fucked her over for next year by backing out of that tenancy agreement. I was fine though, I had several offers from friends in apartments to come live with them, so I just had to say goodbye to the idea of living in a house. Outside the corner where her and my front doors to our apartments are, I send a message to my flat's chat saying I won't be long and I'm almost home. I knock on Mary's door, and she lets me in. The sight of her face makes me want to spontaneously combust right there, but for the sake of my pacifist lifestyle, I hold it together. Inside her flat, I calmly tell her that because of what she did I would not be moving in with her next year, and the tenancy agreement was terminated.

She EXPLODES at me, and outright denies everything. That made my blood boil; I trust Sarah with my life and the experience of her relieving all that nasty crap was fucking harrowing. All I had done was make Mary food and talk about life with her and try to help her be better and thought she was making progress, but she was going MENTAL at ME after SHE had done one of the worst things you can do, saying personal things like "Are you fucking kidding me?! You ended it with ME because of what some OTHER person said, without talking to ME about it!?? What does that say about YOU?! What kind of person does that make YOU? How selfish do you have to be?!" And then some more personal stuff about how I'm a failure as a student and my choice in academia would lead me nowhere and how I look ugly, stuff that would really hurt your self esteem if you're not ridiculously self-assured like I am. It pissed me off even more that she would try to hurt me into thinking I was wrong, though. Some lovely toxic manipulation right there.

So for the first time since I was a kid, I lost it at someone. I let loose on all the things I disliked about her; yelled back that she was a terrible person for what she did to her boyfriend, for not seeing anything wrong with what she did to Sarah, for being manipulative as hell, and she was lucky the police weren't up her ass right now. I told her to fuck off, that she wasn't getting anything from me or my flat any more, that she was never going to be a nurse with a personality like that; and then, on a really awful personal note... that she was crazy for doing something so fucking awful just because she wasn't hot enough to score with me or Sarah.

I saw her expression twist, and it was the ugliest I'd ever seen anyone look. She reached an ultrasonic pitch screeching stuff at me, but I just stormed out her flat while she was still talking.

Back in my flat, I see 4/5 flatmates at the kitchen table with cups of tea, waiting for me. They asked me how it went... and I told them we were ignoring Mary from now on, because if any of them wanted to talk to her, I'd want to cut them out of my life as well. The sighs of relief from the table filled me with sweet validation. Then, the last flatmate loudly arrives through the front door. Mary is crying and wailing behind her at the other side of the doorway. We watch flatmate 6 pose dramatically as the huge, heavy door swings shut behind her with a massive SLAM. The racket Mary makes becomes quiet and muffled. Flatmate smiles at us, and we all cheer and yell and hug together.

After that, we didn't bother gently closing the door for her, and since we knew her timetable, scheduled parties for her prime sleeping time; where lots of people would be loudly storming in and out the flat and music would be blasting. I don't even like parties, lmao.

Because she did that, Mary now has no friends, no sleep, and no accommodation for the upcoming year. We told her boyfriend what she had done via facebook, so no boyfriend too.

Her academic life was effectively ruined from then on. The lack of sleep meant her grades and attendance plummeted. Her personal life was completely dead all of a sudden. We didn't care, and kept doing whatever we wanted with no consideration for her life. She dropped out of university before the semester ended, and I haven't heard from her since.

I just finished my dissertation in some macroevolutionary morphological analysis, and my side-hobby as an illustrator on the internet is doing so well now (this is a side-acc so you'll never know who I am :P) that I don't need a job any more to pay for everything while I'm studying. Sarah fell in love with a beautiful girl and they've been dating for over a year now, she's doing amazing and has already been accepted into postgraduate study with near-perfect grades.

(source) story by (/u/mifukichan)

[hollywoodx4]

You all asked for another set of my trash human Hadestown hot takes so.....

I think maybe I should just start from the beginning and go from there, and sprinkle some details in when I think about them. And since you’ve mentioned before that detail is a good thing, I’m going to try really hard to articulate the 500 versions of “I can’t” and “She did that” and “UM” and “GIRL” Also as always, I apologize, but this is honestly a lot of Eva and Reeve heavy content. I love all of the cast, they are all so phenomenally talented and wonderful, but as usual my mind has chosen to hyper-focus on two things so this is what it is.)

(So. I’m thankful for this platform because before my notes were ALL “Um” and “Girl” and now you guys are motivating me to actually write what I’ve been thinking about non-stop all day on my one hour of sleep. So. Thank you! I went about labeling every song-and I actually end up having thoughts for every one, because I went back and listened through and wrote down what I could remember/the things I thought were relevant for the people that won’t be able to see it outside of the boot that literally everyone but me has at this point).

This is only act I. This is a loooooong hot take. This is a lot of Eva and Reeve specific commentary. This is just a lot of commentary. I think it’d be cool/beneficial/whatever to listen as you read? LOL thanks for coming to my actual, legitimate 5 page essay on Act I.

So. My overarching thought of the night (and, actually, I think I mentioned this when I was there two weeks ago too) is that Eva has been playing an incredibly soft Eurydice lately. Compared to when I was there for previews in April, or even back in August, it seems like each time I’ve gone back she just gets softer and softer, and it’s made me so incredibly happy to see her characterization grow. I do see Eurydice as someone who has been through a lot, and does have that tougher skin, and I think that Eva does a fantastic job in representing that in Any Way the Wind Blows. She keeps her voice strong and consistent, and has this look on her face that’s a cross between worry, wavering confidence, and just this tough shell of a girl who’s trying not to look like she’s given up. And this works so incredibly well when she meets Orpheus. Because I’m telling you, the flip in her demeanor happens in the most noticeably beautiful way during Wedding Song. But first, let’s talk about the fact that I’m not sure who decided that it’d be a good idea that Eva play with fire during this song, and aesthetically it’s just such a MOMENT to see Eurydice looking bored, head down on her arms on the table, eyes wide and uninterested/exhausted/hungry as she runs each of her fingers through the flame (and, at times, pauses to inspect the finger she’s just put into the fire, rub it against another finger or the table, and then begin her game again) I don’t know why this has become one of my favorite things about the staging but? I imagine this being something Eurydice just does sometimes to keep herself from thinking about how hungry she is, and it becomes a habit so that in the iteration where they both make it out of Hadestown and live happily ever after Eurydice just does this one time and makes poor Orpheus jump out of his skin worried that she’s somehow going to send herself back down by doing this. Because they still are walking on eggshells about the fact that they made it out and here she is playing with fire, LITERALLY. Okay, moving on....

So. What I like about Wedding Song live is that her speaking voice just. It’s a bit higher, softer. She still carries the teasing tone, but there’s just this incredulous lift in “is he always like this?” and a lot of laughter in “Oooh, he’s crazy.” and Reeve plays Orpheus so sweet and innocent that you can’t help but feel bad for this bumbling idiot stumbling over himself at this beautiful girl sitting there looking completely cool and collected. But. There’s a beautiful thing about the composition and balance Eva is able to maintain in that you can see that Eurydice is openly intrigued, but keeps herself guarded in a playful sort of way. Almost like she can’t keep herself guarded and wants to let her guard down. Her smile kills me over and over again during this scene. Again, Eva’s Eurydice has turned into quite the small, beautiful romantic and I just am so in love with everything that she has subtly changed and morphed, the girl is an absolute QUEEN.

Also, I can’t go any further without saying a big THANKS to Eva for making me cry the SECOND I heard her start to sing Any Way the Wind Blows and just continue that train all night long. What a fucking night.

Okay, so my favorite thing about Epic I is the sheer power that small boy Orpheus has in singing his la laas for the first time. I remember distinctly having the most goosebumps the first time I witnessed this back in April, and every single time it just. Leaves me breathless. And I think now that it’s been a few times, the goosebumps come from knowing how significant this melody will be throughout the show. But Reeve’s facial expressions as he sings them? Make you believe that la is the most important syllable in the dictionary. He closes his eyes and just feels the music and plays his guitar and he is just so phenomenally talented that WOW. Also my favorite small part of this song is that during my favorite line “with them the cycle of the seed and the sickle, etc.” he spins in circles while playing and singing and just. It’s the smallest amount of choreography that feels the most necessary, as if it’s Orpheus becoming so enraptured with the music that he has to move! And it’s in the middle of the tables that are in the “bar,” with the workers and Eurydice looking on and watching him tell this tale. It all feels so incredibly genuine-it makes you believe that Orpheus singing to the workers is something they’ve witnessed, almost something they look forward to when they come to the bar. I think it has to do with the fact that they’re all just watching him, intrigued but also settled in? As if this is routine, this is comfort, his songs are meant for them and for this little community he has. Even when he plays the first note of the Epic they’ve settled in and are sitting up watching him and listening intently. It gives his character a lot of soft power and dynamic without having to say anything, establishing him as an integral part of this life without so much as a word.

Uhhh Living it Up On Top is just my most favorite feel-good bop. Why? Because of the ensamble. Watching them dance is a blessing. It honestly feels like watching a fucking family reunion freestyle dance party every single time. You can physically see and feel how close this cast is; they make faces at each other, they laugh, and also this instrumental break included the Eva Noblezada booty drop which is EVERYTHING. And she also did a full leg extension kick this time which. Girl. Save some talent and cuteness for everyone else. I also find it extremely appropriate that during all of this kickass dancing and partying our boy Orpheus in all of his gangly, limbly qualities can be found sort of flitting around the stage, taking Persephone’s coat, then Eurydice’s, then putting things away and moving around giving out the cups to toast- like. It’s lowkey established in this scene that he’s 10/10 not the cool and effortless one in this relationship and is the cute small boy child. And I don’t know if that’s because I think that Eva’s really cool and charismatic and Reeve is a bit more shy in a crowd situation, but that’s 100% how this comes off to me/how I perceive the characterization and I’m here for it. And when the line “to the patroness of all of this, Persephone” came up Reeve was like 10 octaves higher than the cast recording, all squeaky and flustered. And then between that and his next line, he took a breath and smiled the big stupid baby Orpheus smile that makes him so charming-if you weren’t rooting for him before now you’re messed, but after the smile? And the high-toned, flustered rambling toast? Makes it impossible not to love him. (Also “to the world we dream about…” is my most favorite Hadestown quote so. I choked because every time I hear it, especially as genuine and sweet as Reeve says it as he looks out at the crowd, and then at the audience, is just. It makes you feel the reality that this show crosses with its messages and its story as a whole). And then after they drink their toast they all sputter and cough, and then the ending when they all sing “HOW ARE WE LIVING IT” it literally is so powerful and dynamic, I love this ensemble so fucking much. Their energy truly fuels the show. We are blessed.

OOOOHKAY CHILDREN BUCKLE UP FOR ME BEING DECEASED. Because All I’ve Ever Known? Um Eva, what the fuck? In a good way. In the way that the second she started singing I started crying immediately. Because I’ll say it again, she’s just become so soft and romantic that I can’t even handle it. The distinct memory I have from this song (where I literally almost hit my cousin because I went from heart-eyed staring with no breathing and my head in my hands like the stupid hopeless baby lesbian that I am to breathing everything in all at once and coughing a BIG cough of just. Literally just love.) During “You take me in your arms, and suddenly there’s sunlight all around me” Orpheus holds Eurydice with her back to him, and she opens her arms and sings about the sunlight. And I fucking SWEAR TO GOD the smile on her face. Like. Big, wide, eyes closed, you’d 100% fall in love with her the second you saw it too. I don’t know how you couldn’t. She just looks so incredibly happy and peaceful and this is the moment she completely drops her guard (although I’ll say that I believe a lot of it is dropped earlier along. But this moment is a transcendental experience) OH ALSO during the violin instrumental she literally does this like. Handstand split Over Reeve’s head that is so poetically beautiful (that entire choreography is, like. It really just makes the love feel so incredibly palpable, and the fact that this is the turning point of moments where suddenly there are NO MOMENTS where they’re not all over each other is just. It’s a moment.) And then they kiss and it’s flawless and I sob profusely at how beautifully done this entire choreography/moment/existence of two souls happens.

Way Down Hadestown also includes two of my favorite moments; Amber Gray dancing with her body at a 90 degree angle, head looking at the floor, and Orpheus and Eurydice peacing out and sitting to the side sharing a bar stool unable to keep themselves away from each other. Which. Is everything to the point where I literally told my cousin to watch them during this song. Because. His ear kisses (which. I hyperventilated about for like 3 paragraphs back in the beginning of October) are SO MUCH (so tender. So soft. The brushing back of the hair over her ears and the soft spoken words and the head on her head make me want to careen into an abyss and fall in love immediately) but I love them with all of my heart, he is so soft and gentle and it literally feels like such a moment being intruded upon that this is the way these two characters were meant to be played and I will accept nothing else. Also, Eva’s little minor chord, jazzy vocal moment during the last “way down under the GROOOOOOOUND is so beautifully done, I can’t believe she exists and just acts like it’s not a big deal that she can just. Be that good. And I also love the way that this moment is staged; Hades and Persephone are standing on the center turntable, and at those last few “way down, Hadestown, way down under the ground” after “kind of makes you wonder how it feels,” right when it kicks back into the faster tempo the turntable starts to descend. And there’s some fog, and they all stand and watch them go under the ground, and when Eurydice sings the last “way down under…she moves closer to the now hole in the ground and looks deeper, as if she’s so curious as to what is going on.

A Gathering Storm/Epic II I just like that in the OBC recording, Eurydice sounds kind of salty when she says “well, until someone brings the world back into tune, this is how it is.” But I think that it’s perceived more as a kind of matter-of-fact thing, as if watching Persephone descend has brought her back into her shell a little bit, set off some anxieties. She shrugs her shoulders and looks complacent, as if to tell him without as many words that she’s done this before, this is old news, this is going to happen. And when he says “he came for her too soon,” it’s rushed and quiet, but frantic, as if the entire weight of the situation immediately has been cast on his shoulders. And for the most part, that’s all I’ve got for him. The real superstar in this scene is the fucking imagery used to introduce the workers, and the symbolism of the workers AS THE WALL.  So, when he says “With a million hands, he built a wall” the workers ascend from the center turntable in that really tight knit formation we’ve all seen pictures of and it’s just. Watching them in their uniforms come up as he’s talking about this big, brilliant wall and the workers begin to move in unison, then begin their chanting???? The lighting changes, the entire feel changes just based on the workers chanting and really having this ferociously unified choreography. And the most intense facial expressions ever. And they move from the center turntable to the outsides, and then fucking Hades and Persephone come up when the transition happens to Chant and it’s. All you need to completely transform a set is the lighting change, the workers, and the turntable. It’s the most incredible thing to witness this and feel like you’re in a completely different place.

Also, I just always feel for Eurydice in this moment. Because. She’s trying so hard to communicate with Orpheus, who’s standing at the bar stool they’d had their moment at during Way Down Hadestown writing this song, and you can see that she’s trying to be supportive but when she says “is he always like this?” it’s just. Exhaustion. And she says it so much more quiet and defeated than she does on the OBC. It’s heartbreaking. Because at the same point you’re watching Orpheus struggle to write this song, closing his eyes and tapping his feet and just trying to feel and let that feeling translate him into the rest of this song but it just won’t come, and you can see his growing frustration in his furrowed brow and his closed eyes. What I noticed is that during Eva’s little solos “Trying to trust that the song he’s working on is gonna shelter us…” / “I’m trying to believe that the song he’s working on is gonna harbor me from the wind” She hasn’t gone up on the last little phrase like she does on the OBC, which is one of the things I find to be so powerful on the OBC. And it’s still beautiful, but I’m wondering why she’s seemingly been choosing to go down instead of have that little moment of vocal power. OH ALSO. When she says “Give that back! It’s everything we have!” Her voice was BROKEN. And by that I mean she sounded so worried and devastated that. It just. Her voice was cracking as she pleaded for the fates to leave her alone and it was so immensely wonderful, but heartbreaking. Because as she struggles with the fates and their winds, and they rip her possessions from her one by one, she shrinks further into herself as she tries to buck up and continue fighting. But you can see as each thing gets taken (her backpack, her coat, etc) she grows more and more devastated and frightened. And then when they take her jacket, and she has nothing left, and she sings “SHEEEELTER US, HAAAARBOR ME!” She’s on her knees with her head in her hands, rocking back and forth and it is torturous to witness because you just want to cry for her. And Eva’s such a fucking powerhouse that you can feel the raw emotion, the fear and the devastation, and it just consumes. It’s amazing to be broken by Eva Noblezada over and over again, and that’s what she does this entire show. She is phenomenal.

Hey, Little Songbird is a song I don’t really have a lot of notes for. But the one note I do have is that Patrick Page makes everyone so in awe and also slightly frightened or incredibly woke (the amount of small whispers in the audience that compare him to a certain man of political power are to be expected, but always are significant) He also just. Skeeves me out so much in this song, and Eurydice is so broken already that it’s kind of like. She’s resigned and having trouble making sense out of anything that life has just thrown at her, and she keeps going to hold herself because she’s cold and hungry and tortured, and she just. Honestly, she makes the choice seem like one that Eurydice had to make because she looks so lost and hungry and upset and unable to hold herself up anymore that the choice doesn’t seem like a misguided one.

When the Chips are Down If I could have as much talent in my body as these girls have in their pinky finger I’d be set for life. Also, now’s a good time to mention that I had the extreme pleasure of seeing Jessie Shelton step in as a fate and it just. It was a wonderful experience, that girl is incredible. I saw her in August as Eurydice and she did a fantastic job (my only note back then had been that her chemistry with Reeve hadn’t been as strong, but I loved what she did with Eurydice-making her more badass and thick-skinned and over-it and also I genuinely don’t think that the Reeve-Eva chemistry can be matched.) But the flawless nature of these three souls singing together and just. Being the shit-eating-grin, fun to fuck you up, take no prisoners voices inside of your head? It just furthers the interpretation that they are the voices in your head amplified, because while they’re sort of doing their mockery of Eurydice/pushing her for her choice/etc. she covers her ears at one point they’re taunting her and it just. It feels to me as they’re pushing her around that they’re the personification of the battle inside of her heart as well, and she can’t escape the turmoil.

Gone, I’m Gone Me crying because I knew Wait for Me was coming so I was digging through my bag for my tissues and gently laying some on my cousin’s lap. (she hadn’t done a full listen-through of Hadestown before either, so I just. Gently prepared her for what was to come without saying a single word.

Wait for Me Okay, how detailed can I go? I don’t know how to fully capture the immense, all-encompassing, my heart is literally stopped inside of my chest but also full-on beating heavy as possible feeling. The second the first notes started the tears started pouring. I have such a fond memory of seeing this for the first time that every time afterward, I just. MY body kicks into this mode of complete and utter captivation. I’m also an empath so getting to experience a room full of people on the edge of their seats, dead silence, utter captivation and zero breath…..I will never forget this feeling. When I saw Hadestown back in April while it was still in previews, this song was given a 3 minute standing ovation….everyone was just struck and unable to handle the raw emotion. And it still rings true to this day-I was clutching my tissue with such force, watching the lights swing and the workers and their lamps through my tears. The most powerful moment is when the workers come out with their headlamps, and it gets dark-you wonder where you’re being transported to next. It’s a tethering atmosphere. And then, when they plug the lamps in and send them up? When the lamps begin swinging and their lights swing over the audience, casting this brilliant movement and shadow into the air? It holds so much mystery and hope and it gives off this incredible, indescribable power. And the power of the chorus singing along with him? It doesn’t feel like they’re the workers singing along. It feels like Orpheus’s love is so strong and so powerful that the workers are actually just his voice amplifying and exploding and CAREENING AND CREATING ALL OF THIS FUCKING POWER FROM HIS SONG AND HIS LOVE. And also, during the la la las around 1:40 on the OBC recording, when it gets soft and quiet, that’s when the lamps go up into the air, and there’s a rumbling and some fog and the set sort of opens up to reveal sections of bright lights that glow warm, and red. He’s opening the fucking stone wall with his song, people, and it’s the most brilliantly moving staging I have ever seen. Again, you don’t need one million props to captivate an audience. It’s the way the story is told and the music is composed and everything working together. I love this. I love that nothing distracts from the moment, that the las and the workers elevating his voice and the movement of the set and the lights and the fog all come together as one coherent set piece instead of parts of a working machine. It feels so natural that you believe that Orpheus is actually opening the wall with his voice. This piece of theatre is so transcendental that you forget that you’re not actually there. Props to Reeve Carney for existing because the way he performs this song is just so captivating and pure, and you can see the desperation in his eyes but you can also hear it in his voice; it’s more strained (not in a bad or unhealthy way at all, I just mean that it’s like. The culmination of his efforts from the Epic and how hard he was concentrating have elevated his power and he’s just fully unleashing it) You can physically see what I believe-that this strain, this hurt and this hope and this desperation are what lead him to opening the wall. He was able to do it because as he was singing, he was clearly just hurt and so damn determined that he just. He had this red-cheeked, hard-lipped expression while he sang and his body (which I lovingly describe as gangly and limbly) is just. In a power stance. Like. You fully believe in the power of this man during this song, he gives it everything and he is a good portion of the reason it carries its power so immensely through the audience. There’s not a dry eye in the house after. And what I love is the collective, disbelieving mumblings of “oh my god” or “wow” or “he’s incredible” that echo through the room as the applause happens (and lingers, and lingers, until Why We Build the Wall cues us to take a fucking breath) (and the subsequent chatter of people basically asking if what they just watched was real, unable to not mention it during intermission).

Why We Build the Wall This is another one of my all-time favorite Hadestown songs. It just hits so hard. And for a while in the very beginning, I wondered why they didn’t end Act I with Wait for Me. I understand now. I don’t think I fully appreciated this song during my first few listen-throughs, and possibly not even after the first time I saw it. I think that this song deserves to be there because while Wait for Me has a lot of emotional lift and power and just pure mass to it, Why We Build the Wall holds its power differently. It makes the audience kind of shift in their seats, come back to the world we are in, kind of step back from the beautiful show of powerful love and hope and dedication that is Wait for Me and remember that oh, this is what’s going on on the other side. This is the man that’s trying to take everything away from Orpheus. And Patrick Page is such a gently commanding presence during this song-he is strong, and powerful, but in a way that feels scarily easy to him; like he is so confident in his power that it translates to this easy, call-and-response conversation because he knows his workers have no choice but to answer him and to appease him. Also the workers? In this song? Are a sheer force of nature. They look to the audience as they respond to each phrase Hades sings with these set-in-stone, serious, hardened expressions that match each other, and are perfectly in-synch. That’s what terrifies me about the Workers, is that they are so in tune to each other that it truly is like watching a wall, or a well-oiled machine. They do such a beautiful job in creating this sense of unease that this song was absolutely meant to be the ending of act I; they drive you to tears and ferocious emotion with Wait for Me, but they keep you unsettled and uncomfortable and stirred by Why We Build the Wall. And that, my friends, is why this musical was nominated for and won so many Tony’s. Because of it’s ability to make you feel, to ponder and to talk and to interpret. This show is so unique, and wonderful, and full of incredible things that I am always just in awe of it every time I see it.

Carry-Over notes: I skipped around a lot of my notes from the night of the show just because I couldn’t fit the less articulate with my actual thoughts post-show. I listened to the entirety of Act I while doing this, and took notes to the best of my ability and what I could remember.

·        Eva Noblezada is such a soft human being, she is a treasure to this earth and I fully support everything she’s done with Eurydice thus far; soft doesn’t mean weak, and she translates that really well to the way she chooses to carry her. She is a strong woman, but she is so fucking in love that she is also so soft and pure. But you still wouldn’t fuck her up ever

·        A good chunk of my notes from that night are about how Reeve singing the la laas in Epic I is a transcending experience, and how his soft and genuine and gentle expression made me break down immediately, and it can be felt in your soul.

·        I also mention about 100 times that Reeve is 10/10 the only boy who has my heart because he is so artistically passionate and just really really fucking good at what he does (and so, so soft especially in the Orphrydice moments and what I’m calling his making Orpheus canonically obsessed with kissing Eurydice’s ear/side of cheek/neck it is THE SOFTEST MOST PURE THING)

So sorry. This is the longest of ramblings. But you asked for details and honestly I’m really excited to be able to have these long ass notes to save and keep with my playbills to show in the future with my kids or the patrons of the Broadway themed café I want to open when I’m a mid 40s lesbian with a wife and maybe some adopted kids.

[ingenves]

     ok its ya girl back at it, same deal ! if u wanna plot just HMU or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to you ! wes is my father & u can peep his pinterest board HERE !

     ⌈ chris pine, cismale, he/him ⌋ hey, is it WESLEY BIGELOW that you’re looking for? you know, the THIRTY-SIX year old CARPENTER. typically i see them hanging around GRISTOL DOCKS so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in PRINCETOWN for THIRTY-SIX YEARS. gristol wouldn’t be the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of waking up before dawn, an old rowboat sitting in still water & a kitchen full of fresh produce.

tw: car accident & illness 

this mans has lived in town his entire life!!! his parents, william and rose bigelow owned a historic farm . willy & rose were high school sweethearts, a shotgun wedding joining them together after rose ended up pregnant with their first child at the age of 19. while rose’s parents were furious with their daughter for being so reckless, william’s father was more than happy to offer them a place to stay and lend a hand taking care of the baby that would soon be on the way.

despite the circumstances, wes was never treated as an accident or a mistake. he grew up in his grandpa’s farmhouse with a loving family. the bigelow family followed some pretty traditional gender roles. wes’ dad and his grandpa would wake at the crack of dawn and work out in the field until sunset while his mother hung around the house to take care of him, doing laundry, making dinner, taking him to the park, everything.

from a young age he was encouraged to help out on the farm but being the mama’s boy he was, he was far more eager to help his mom out with the cooking and the laundry. he was close with his grandfather as well, the two always working on little projects together like building a tree house, birdhouses, his own bee house………………….a lot of houses

but wes was never rly close with his father. william wasn’t much of an emotional or talkative guy, usually just sitting there in stern silence and working the day away. a bit of a scary guy despite not ever doing anything scary?? he’s just an ominous guy that doesn’t rly seem impressed by anything so wes never rly knew where he stood u know.

the one time wes ever really felt close to his father was when they would take little weekend fishing trips together, even though they didn’t really speak. just the fact that william took his time to teach wes how to do everything and didn’t get mad or frustrated when he lost a lure or let a fish go by accident was enough to like…..send the message. that was his way of showing his love u know.

the second bigelow child was welcomed when wes was a kid and while at first he was jealous that his new baby sister was getting all the attention, having a baby around the house was kind of fun. she’d make funny faces and funny noises and he grew to love her pretty quickly. he used to always say that his baby sister was the best thing that happened to him. when she got older, he taught her how to make mud pies and how to play pranks on grandpa who was a rly good sport, all things considered.

car accident & death tw !! the winter of ‘94 would prove to be the worst winter of wes’ entire life. on the way back home to pick up a christmas tree from a nearby farm, the family’s old pick up hit a patch of black ice and ended up flipped into a ditch. it was a bad wreck. luckily his grandpa and sister were safe at home during the time of the crash, but wes and his parents weren’t so lucky, his mother being the unluckiest of the bunch. they were stranded in the middle of the road for two hours before anyone showed up for help and by the time they arrived, it was too late for rose, who got the worst of the injuries. doa at the hospital while wes and his dad walked away with mostly minor injuries. that year, there was no christmas tree and no presents. christmas dinner was replaced with takeout and no one said a word.

illness & death tw !! not long after rose passed away, grandpa bigelow got some bad news. lung cancer that no one really saw coming. just a few months after the diagnosis they were having another funeral for another member of the bigelow clan.

it was a tough year, but they got through it. wes did his job to step up and do all the things his dad couldn’t do; all the things his mother taught him. he expected all of it to make his dad more closed off but it had the reverse effect and for the first time in his entire life, wes and his father had heart to heart conversations.

jump forward to high school and things finally felt like they were back to normal. william wasn’t dating yet but he wasn’t being all that anti-social, either.

wes discovered quickly he was the kind of person that other people liked and he was quite popular??? he made good grades, played football, dating the coolest girl in school (in his own opinion ofc), everything kind of fell into place for him in high school

and then after high school he…………didn’t rly know what to do asdj;fdksgfkdlj he never went to college and decided work around town doing odd jobs and saving some money so he could go off and travel and live his life as a young person craving adventure.

he was gone for abt a year or so before coming back home & he’s just been here ever since, doin his thing

started working with a family friend in his shop, doing what he loved and building things n working with his hands u know and hasn’t stopped doing what he loves ever since

he owns his own shop now & builds custom furniture 

the….personality section has Arrived

he’s quite the Charming guy but he talks WAY too much

definitely the kind of guy who will just…..talk about himself non-stop without even realizing it ?? he needs to get his Ego in check even after all these years smh

buT he’s very good at making conversation and is rly a friendly guy!!!! will talk and joke with anyone just because……why not ?? it makes his day when ppl talk to him so he will talk to u even if u dont feel the same way

highkey the kind of person to start up a random conversation w a stranger in the grocery story just because

lowkey uncomfortable with feelings and still isn’t super great at expressing emotions and his thoughts but ya boi is trying his best

but he’s rly good at picking up on signals. he can’t express his own emotions but he’s like….pretty in tune with other ppl

a very platonically affectionate guy. loves hugging his buddies and telling them how much he loves & appreciates them

and now for the lil extra tidbits

he’s got two dogs. a german shepherd named mulder & a pomeranian named scully sfddgfhgfg and he strategically uses his dogs to flirt w ladies when they’re out on a walk LMAO

he’s got a 6 year old daughter named aspen with a woman he is no longer dating ( im prob gna put this as a wc on the main so if u want this....hmu???? ) but they are still v close and spend a lot of time together & he loves aspen more than anything :’)

he’s very much a Dad. dad jokes all the time. endless shitty puns for everyonE

the man loves a turtleneck. he can’t keep his hands off a good ass sweater u know ??

he loves to cook and is v good at it, since he’s been cooking his entire life. he is the self-proclaimed kind of bbq and honestly???? he’s always throwing lil bbq parties & they are a hit :/  u know he be winning contests w his grilling bro

obviously.........a handyman. the house he lives in now, he built himself after tearing down the old on.  he built himself a nice big deck and everything so he can have a nice place to host bbqs and everyone will come compliment him on hard work and enjoy his fantastic recipes

he runs his own business building & selling furniture!!!! need a shelf installed??? give him a call. dog chewed up ur table leg??? give him a call. house burned down???? give him a call he’ll build u a new one.

what’s better than this ??????????? guys bein dudes

he rly likes going to the movies. lowkey loves disney but pretends he only cares bc his daughter likes it but……….u know he knows the words to every song

tragically heterosexual ://///////

he loves strong coffee & he loves beer & occasionally he loves a good book & a nice game of chess

did i mention he is such a dad bc………..he is such a dad

someone hold his rough sandpaper ass hands

[forsythiias]

hey ! i’m rachel. i’m 20 - almost 21 ! - she / her pronouns, gmt timezone ( i live in ireland and spend like a week in england every month at this rate . u guys will get used to it ). a fun fact abt me is that i spoke to hugh jackman & gave him a wolverine pin rly recently . that’s all i got . anyway. i’m playing jellybean jones, the baby of the fp jones fam ! she’s my absolute KID and i would LOVE to plot , so please feel free to shoot me a message or smash that like button and i’ll come at you in the not so distant future. 

⌜   genderfluid, she / they / he   |   out of time by the rolling stones, the local record store, the pop culture fiend   ⌟   ⏤   hey, isn’t that FORSYTHIA PARTHENIA JONES? the NINETEEN year old SOUTH SIDER has lived in town for their WHOLE LIFE, and has always denied their resemblance to DIANA SILVERS. they’ve been a STUDENT & WAITRESS for a while now, and i guess it makes sense - they’ve always seemed so TENACIOUS & INDIVIDUALISTIC, though i have heard that they can be pretty GARRULOUS & ACERBIC. did you hear about how they SOLD JACKED CARS IN TOLEDO TO PUT THEMSELVES THROUGH COLLEGE? i always knew that there was something up with them. you can check out her pinterest board HERE and her stat page HERE.

you can CHANGE the world, girl,                                     you really, truly can.

part one of three : bullet point history. trigger warnings for talk of infant health issues.

august fifth, 2000. it was a sticky autumn night when FORSYTHIA PARTHENIA JONES entered the world with a pitiful cry. the only daughter of two south siders, gladys and fp, and the younger sister of a one jughead jones, she wasn’t born to MUCH ; which made all that she did have matter all the more. a mother and a father who loved her? check. an older brother she would someday idolize and love like no other in the world? double check. a small ventricular septal defect, discovered only after her birth? triple check.

forsythia was, it seemed, destined to be a sickly child. her first few months were dotted with trips to the emergency room and visits to a local doctor, something always seeming to be wrong. infant colic was ten times worse. she caught a chill when she was two weeks old and needed to spend a WEEK in the icu because of the resulting chest infection. the doctors who treated her at birth had been confident over time that the hole in her heart - jellybean shaped, on the very first ultrasound - would close by itself, as many do. hers, however, didn’t. as she got older, the effects became more pronounced. she kept catching chest infections. she couldn’t seem to put on weight. breathing was, at times, a struggle. and she was SLEEPIER than any baby they had ever known before. the original plan had been to wait and see and hope that her tiny heart healed on it’s own. at ten months old, it became apparent that this would never happen ; and the surgery was scheduled. 

your baby is supposed to be PERFECT. she isn’t supposed to take ill every few days and ultimately be wheeled into a room for open heart surgery. it was likely a very harrowing experience, and those first few months of her life were understandably marred - but if there had ever been any doubts before, it became clearer than day when she came out of surgery that the youngest jones was a FIGHTER, through and through. they’d been prepared for a month long wait to bring her home again - it ended up being a fortnight. she didn’t cry, after. she didn’t FUSS. it was as if she had known that the first little while had been tough, and was trying her hardest to make all of their lives that little bit easier. lord knew that the jones’ needed it, especially when the stress of all that was going on with her had combined with their bills. 

now affectionately named jellybean for the defect she had survived, she grew into a remarkably NORMAL child. there were differences, of course, between her and the kids that she grew up surrounded by - she required regular checkups, she needed to dress extra warmly in winter, and she always got that little bit more wiped out than everybody else - but anyone told the story behind the scar in the middle of her chest gaped in shock. the girl who swung from the lower boughs of the trees at the edge of sunnyside trailer park and sprinted after her friends at full speed had once had a hole in her heart? impossible. that sort of health issue was reserved for those with a lot less life in them than the high spirited girl that jellybean became known as being, and never once did she allow it to define her. she was a SPITFIRE, pure and simple, and she’s proud to say that never once did she let herself sit out of an experience just because she was worried about what would happen if she partook.

life was not all sunshine and adventure, though. not every child notices the cracks in their home life appearing. jellybean didn’t. not until the rug was pulled right from under her feet. to her wide eyed and rose colored self, everything seemed to happen overnight. one day, they were happy. the next, her dad was an alcoholic and she and her mum were in transit to toledo, where they would move in with stony faced grandparents who treated her with corporate coldness. she didn’t understand the why of it all - couldn’t have even hoped to, when she was still so young. the reality of her father losing his job and their lives going to shit thanks to it didn’t sink in. all she knew was that she had lost the father she idealized and the big brother that she had always wanted to BE. 

she spoke to them both on the phone, of course. she was even lucky to see jughead a couple times, though their grandparents never wanted to hear about it afterwards, no matter how excited she was. it must have been jarring for him the first time he turned up to find that the pigtailed little girl who loved kids pop that he remembered had sheared her hair and was now listening strictly to pink floyd and other classics. but none of it was the same. not really. it wasn’t having her family together. to say that her drastic transformation might have stemmed from a place of resentment towards whatever forces were at play in ruining her family - that starting to go by JB, so similar to the FP that her nana and granddad refused to allow be mentioned around them might’ve been an act of defiance - wouldn’t have been incorrect. she wanted things to go back to normal. the fact that they didn’t killed her.

and they never really did. she and her mom returned to riverdale, a new opportunity spotted, but things never went back to how they had been before. she learned not to talk about it, though - and now she’s older, wiser, and she knows how to hide her feelings behind an easy bluff. there’s nothing to do but make the most of what she does have, right? a new brother. a new life. a new self. she has to stop dwelling on what she used to have, she supposes ; though sometimes, it hurts to think about what she’s lost. 

part two of three : headcanons.

jellybean is gonna be a lawyer someday, but she NEVER really wanted to be one. her dream from ages 3 to 11, she wanted to be a princess. she overheard some of the older serpents sarcastically referring to the jones family as royalty, and she really chose to run with it - refusing to take off a makeshift crown for the first month and getting called princess jellybean by her father for the next few years. after that phase had passed, though, she found her real passion - and for most of living memory, she’s wanted to own a record store. nothing too extravagant, really, just a first floor, one room sorta deal - she’d plaster the walls with posters of the greats and keep the merchandise in crates resting on rickety tables, and every friday night she’d hold a jams night where people could come and lounge around the floor on beanie bags, listening to some of their favorites. she had it all planned, and it’s still something of a dream - but if there’s one thing that jones’ family knows how to do, it’s sacrifice their dreams for harsh reality. with penny peabody DISGRACED, the serpents and southsiders in general need someone who knows them to represent them, when things go to trial, and feeling a sense of duty to the people she was raised around, jb bit the bullet and stepped up. she’s got a love for arguing and a knack for winning, so much so that god HELP whoever goes against her in a courtroom, someday.

she has yet to officially join the serpents ( her parents wouldn’t approve of it, for one, not now, and there’s a whole host of OTHER reasons ) - but jb went right ahead and got a tattoo on her right hand anyway, cause as a jones, she’s still serpent adjacent. the only difference between the picture linked and the one she has is that hers is done in white ink - her way of keeping things lowkey while still honoring her heritage.

miss her with a motorbike. they’re COOL and all, but jb values her life a little bit too much to trust a two wheeled death trip waiting to happen. she’s more into classic cars, anyway, and has pretty recently invested in the frame of a 1979 pontiac gto from the scrapyard that she plans on fixing up to perfection.

her style is southside meets cute. of course she loves her leather and fishnet combos - but jb is ALSO a huge fan of dungarees and sloganed t-shirts in a whole assortment of colors. anything ‘edgy’ she wears ( big boots, mesh tops, the list .. could go on ) gets coupled with something a little less so ( pink scrunchies, colorful makeup, a disney bag … again, the list could go on ), and that makes her her.

and finally, for now, cause i’m not sure i’ve done a good job of conveying it - jellybean is a good kid. she REALLY, truly is. she’s got some bite to her ( enough of a short fuse that it’s advisable not to test her limit ) & wouldn’t be her fathers daughter if she DIDN’T, but she’s also genuinely sweet. being a serpent doesn’t equal being a bitch, and so long as people out there treat her with respect, she’ll do the SAME. jb doesn’t turn unless she’s given reason to … and if they do, she won’t hold back.

part three of three : wanted connections.

fp & gladys jones ! 

kids from the south ( or north ) side that are in or around the same age, who jellybean would have grown up with / went to school with !! they might have reconnected after she returned to riverdale and now know her as who she’s become, but they also might be people who she lost contact with for a LONG TIME and who never got to see her post transformation - any and all variance on this wc would be fun!

anyone attending carson college who she might, maybe, rub shoulders with !!  i’d love the most mundane of connections - maybe they sit with each other during lunch, or they help each other study, or one time, jb dropped a book on their head in the library and they’ve been friends / enemies since! gimme anything !

regulars at pops / the speakeasy. 

so .. she’s pretty self sufficient, and she’s paying her way in terms of college by working shifts at pops and picking up extras in the speakeasy. she’d know a lot of people from that, i’d wager, and i’m sure she has her favorites!

more people southside serpent adjacent who she can play off of !! one of jb’s goals in life is to become an OFFICIAL member of the gang, which she hasn’t yet - but she is something of a southside princess, and that means she’d know most of them in some way!

p much anything else !

[iamsonyeondone]

not so tough // lee chan

♥ college!au

♥ slight angst and fluff!!!

♥ 2.1k words

♥ requested :  Hi bby! I thought you'd may like some other seventeen members to write for so could I request an angst with happy fluff ending chan? Thanks you and keep up the amazing works ily~

chan has a habit of keeping up a strong facade, especially as the oldest in his family

and sometimes his group of friends have an effect on him to break down those walls

but even those instances dont come so often and yet he’s still strong enough to hold it in

or at least for now

you’ve known him for at least three years and all of it started with a very cliche moment of knocking into each other, more than once and quite literally

you had just gotten your exams over and done with and had decided to treat yourself to something sweet at the campus’s cafe

after ordering a small slice of cake, you turned around to head back to your seat until hot liquid poured all over your blouse, scalding you a little in the process

“oh god i’m so sorry,” a tall figure apologizes to you profusely, bringing out napkins from the counter while his friend instinctively took his hoodie off of himself

“he’s a little clumsy but i hope this hoodie will do,” the shorter one apologizes on his behalf as he gives you the hoodie but you were quick to refuse

“its not like i have anywhere else to go, and it’s not as warm with the ac on,” you muster up a smile, even though your skin was burning under your shirt

“either way, it’ll make us look like the biggest idiots for not helping you out. take it, i have more than just one hoodie,” he grin, his strong resolve to give you his hoodie was undefeatable

“if you say so. what’s your name? or maybe your number? so i can at least give it back,” and maybe your high five-ing yourself for taking this cute boy’s number with the best opportunity, fetching out your phone 

“here, let me put in my number,” he quickly types it in and gives it back

“lee chan? i guess we’ll see each other soon,” you chuckle, thanking him once more for the sweet gesture as you went to the washroom to change

“so our little baby finally asked out a girl?” mingyu teased chan, nudging him in the ribs

“for once i thank god for making you this tall clumsy giant,” he shook his head but the smile on his face never wavers

but the second time you guys meet wasnt as soon as you had thought it would be

once your grades had been keyed in, you couldnt help but forget about the cute boy’s number, a little disappointed at the fact that it wasnt up to your expectations

with a sigh, you decided it would be best to just walk it off, and get some fresh air from being so cooped up in your dorm and lecture rooms

the park near your dorm was peaceful and calming, the harmonization of the cicadas as well as the chilly breeze made it worthwhile

you were too busy admiring the night sky with your earphones plugged in to notice a figure bulldozing your way

the both of you collide, falling to the rough pavement as you rubbed your butt

just as you were about to apologize, a familiar face sits on the opposite side of you

but you dont see a smile on that face, or that reassuring aura he exuded that day

instead you him curled up in a different hoodie, tears streaming down his face, making his eyes turn blood-shot red and the tip of his nose reddening 

“lee chan?” you dont even realize your voice coming out as a whisper, his vulnerable state having such a big effect on you

you dont even get up from the floor and instead, sat with your legs crossed, holding his hand cautiously

“what’s wrong?” you whisper once more, this time drawing circles with your thumb on the top of his palm

but that only urged him to bawl his eyes out even more

he must have kept it in for a long time, you thought

without another word, you sat beside him and wrapped an arm over his shaking shoulders

after a few minutes, chan’s sobs turn into sniffles and you chuckle as you take another look at him

“i didnt want our second meeting to be this way, but i guess you look pretty cute with rudolph’s nose,” you tease a little as a small smile threaten to adorn his face

“me neither, i might even have planned it out,” he chuckled, still sniffling every once in a while

“plan? for what?” you scoff and even when your arm still remain on his shoulders, it didnt feel right to remove it from him - it’s still pretty cold y’know

“to take you out on a date? what else would i do? ask you to take a survey?” he raised a brow, and the apples of your cheeks turn bright pink and your glad the night was dark enough to hide them

“then i should have remembered to text you if it was going to be that way. but we’re here now, besides, what’s up?” you question, a topic you were a little hesitant on asking but something told you it was for the best

“its nothing-”

“if it was nothing we wouldn’t be here right now with your snot all over the place,” it was your turn to tease him now, making chan scoff in disbelief

“i guess i’m a little stressed out. personal matters and work. it’s all piling up and i guess i bottled it for too long,” he sighed, bringing his knees to his chest

“you dont have anyone to talk about this?” 

“i,,, do actually. but i’m sure they’ve got their own problems to fuss over. they’re always taking care of me too so i couldn’t make them hold the burden of my own problems,” he chuckled in embarrassment

“of course everyone has their own problems, silly. but we all still confide in someone right? then if you don’t confide in them, why not talk to me? i dont have all the time in the world but its 2018 we’ve got phones,” you giggled, quickly typing into your phone

as chan’s phone dinged with a new notification, you pat his back once more

“look, now you have my phone number too so you can always tell me whenever you have a problem. and maybe also remind me about your hoodie,” you smiled while chan chuckled at your first text message

‘for the cute boy with the red nose’

and the both of you had been close ever since

there were times that you would take the time out of your day to walk at the same park, to spill all the details about your day or to simply hang out

sometimes you would leave silly voice messages to cheer him up or simply things that reminded you of him

like the otter miniature you saw at a toy store or the time when you took a picture of a deer and drew a red nose on it

and chan would keep reminding you to give him back the hoodie

and you lowkey really want to keep it forever because its super comfy

“you told me to remind you to give it back but its been a whole year and its still at your dorm,”

“you cant blame me for liking a perfectly comfortable hoodie that smells a little like you,”

and chan actually also secretly likes it when you take a selfie with the hoodie on because you look extremely cute in it

like damn, he would give you all the hoodies in the world if you looked thaT cute with it on

and its just constant teasing and flirting between the two of you even though nothing really announces the both of you being officially together

and your scared to even mention it because you’re afraid you’re thinking things a bit too far

although holding his hand all the time and not only when his sad sounds like heaven and just,, snuggling with him?? whenever you want to too??

you’re afraid that you’re the only one thinking about it

but hOOO boi

chan has been thinking about placing kisses all over your cute face and seeing you in all his hoodies and just showering you with all the love that he has

because he has never really had someone to break him out of his shell, and for you to have that ability all the time honestly scares him too

because what if you dont want things to go further either? to take the next step

it’s been three years now ever since the both of you knocked into each other at the park

and ever since then, the both of you have been attached at the hip

you even got to know chan’s family as well as his group of friends which you still recognized one of them who towered them all

all of them loved you and secretly knew about the constant love eyes that appeared whenever chan mentioned you

jeonghan may or may not have threatened you about taking care of chan, but once he actually got to know you, he’s been fawning over you too ever since

which also meant that he might have told you things about chan whenever you werent around

like the way he kept showing your selfies to the others because he thought you looked like a cute kitten

or when he kept mentioning you whenever they went out together

and maybe also about the time chan had finally decided to tell the others about his problems too instead of relying on only you

because he knows how hard life can get for you especially with the numerous secrets you have only told him

and that was a wake up call you never new you needed

with that information, you planned to tell him the next time you and chan met at the park, where the both of you could be alone

and when chan finally suggested to take a walk through facetime, you enthusiastically agreed and slipped on his hoodie, although his scent was no longer there

when chan sees you with the familiar apparel, he laughs into the quiet night, his laughter making butterflies flutter in your stomach

“you’re finally giving this back to me? why? is it because he doesnt smell like me anymore?”

and youre caught off guard, eyes widening as your mouth failed to form sentences

“you’re making it seem like i have super powers when you cant even whisper without me hearing,” he chuckled ruffling your head

as the both of you walked side by side, catching up with each other and telling about each other’s day

you bathed in the feeling of comfort and serenity and you just knew being right by his side was a safe haven you never asked for but needed

“chan?” you call out to him, digging your hands deeper into the pockets as he hummed in reply

“i... i really want to thank you for being my friend, for being here for me and doing dumb stuff with me all the time. I couldn’t ask for someone better,” you giggled, looking back up to him

chan’s heart race at the sight, the way your eyes twinkled looking AT him

he was the reason for you to look this happy, and it felt like he was walking on cloud nine, like he became the president of south korea

“of course i would do dumb shit with you, you’re entitled to being my friend after you saw me have that mental breakdown,” he joked, wrapping an arm around your shoulder

“but i dont want to be just a friend,” you spoke up, stopping in your tracks as chan did so too, his heart running a mile per minute

“t-then what do you want to be?” he questioned, looking right back at you now, his arm letting go of you only to hold your hand again

“i want- will you be my boyfriend-” without another word, chan hugs you tight and places a soft kiss onto your forehead

“you beat me to it,” he laughed, euphoria washing over him as he swayed the both of you from side to side

he wouldnt stop laughing, nuzzling his face into your neck while you hugged his waist tightly

“so...can i take this hoodie instead?” you asked him, a mischievous grin on your face

“as long as you’re with me, you can take any hoodie of mine,”

chan soon learnt the immense regret for saying that, but who cares when the love of your life gives you the best cuddles, am i right?

[biconicfinn]

I had a lot of problems w loto too what were urs??

firstly, thank you for letting me know that i’m not alone in how i feel about loto because it seems to me that most of the rest of the fandom adores it and i liked it i guess? not as much as i love simon vs but enough to not say i absolutely hated it. secondly, these opinions i’m gonna share might be a little summarised/simplified for convenience’s sake 

before i start digging into what i didn’t like, let’s start with the pros:

first and foremost, i really liked the idea of visiting the simonverse again, especially since the last book had been so good and personally meant alot to me and i was excited to see these characters in the pages again! (extra excited after seeing them grace the screens)

general excitedness aside, i loved garrett so much! i think he is hilarious and i loved that we got to see more of him and how he kind of fit himself in with the squad (he is my Angel Bro and deserves the world)

SPIERFELD!!!!! i loved seeing more simon/bram interactions and that promposal! wow i love them so much

i liked the way that morgan’s racism was handled. it was handled well and not shoehorned in to seem Progressive

as a subpoint(?) to morgan thing, i loved that there was just this acknowledgement of the entire squad’s nerdiness. you think they’re that group of kids who hang out together just because? lol no they’re all major nerds and that’s why

leah’s experience with finding a prom dress was so relatable; especially the part where she keeps struggling to find one that fits and suits her. i went through the same struggles finding a dress for my secondary school prom and it was so accurate i loved it. 

now for the cons:

most of my issue with loto can be easily boiled down into a few reasons. namely, leah’s characterisation herself, the assassination of nick’s character, the way bisexuality was approached by the characters and the whole cal/nora thing 

leah’s characterisation: i know she is one of the most popular simonverse characters, but leah isn’t really all that imho? i feel like she is a caricature of what people perceive a fangirl to be, from the m/m shipping, to the active fandom participation and the love for anime among other things. and another thing; i get that she has issues with bottling up her problems and communication, and that is fine and completely normal, but it just culminates in a rally ugly jealous and possessive streak when it comes to her friends. evidence? see: her feelings towards simon coming to abby, nick and abby taking simon to midtown, simon spending time with a friend who is Not Her. she is also really mean at times and i don’t get it? why are you so mean, especially to your friends?? why leah? and why can’t you accept that simon felt more comfortable coming out to abby first than you? are you not bisexual? or even if this wasn’t established in simon vs, you’d think her extensive fandom knowledge and knowledge of gay relationships (that granted, comes from fandom which is sorely missing in nuance when handling lgbt issues at times, but certainly has How to React When Your Friend Is Coming Out 101 down pat) would be of some help? coming out was simon’s thing and i don’t think it’s fair to do that to your best friend, regardless of how you feel about the person he came out to. also she ships drarry and that is a no-go for me just saying why would you ship drarry when deamus exists????

the assassination of nick’s character: now, this one goes hand in hand with how by breaking up nick and abby, nick gets character assassinated and the whole leah/abby thing seems more and more like fanservice. first off, nick and taylor metternich???? he doesn’t even break up with abby for an extended period of time before he attempts to move on? are you sure?? he was all for abby up until the very moment they break up and then he drops her for taylor? i’m not saying that leah shouldn’t have been with abby, more like, nick doesn’t/didn’t have to be paired off with someone else to give him a happy ending. you don’t need a romantic partner to be happy, and with nick, this message could have been conveyed in a beautiful way. also, nick and abby are pretty much head-over-heels in simon vs and for abby to suddenly have a change of heart and fall in love with leah doesn’t make sense to me. maybe that’s just me, idk. in conclusion, taylor and nick was so unnecessary and just made the leah/abby endgame seem very fanservice-y and shat all over nick’s character in the process.

the way the characters approached bisexuality: i felt that the way abby approached her sexuality, while normal was still rather upsetting, specifically the ‘lowkey bi’ thing. i felt that this is something i personally have heard straight people, specifically straight women say, when they find other women even moderately attractive and yet shun the idea of two women in a loving and committed relationship. you can be like figuring yourself out and trying to find your label (and you don’t even need one) but the ‘lowkey bi’ just sounds like a classic case of straight women with one (1) #wcw they would ‘totally date if like they had no choice!!11!!1!’ i know that this isn’t the case with abby, i know she isn’t straight and that is totally fine and cool and really awesome! i love it! but i think it could have been addressed in a better way, especially since many bi woc, particularly black bi women, were looking to abby as representation. it also seemed rather incongruent with abby’s characterisation to me. again, it could just be me, but this is something that just rubbed me the wrong way. (don’t worry, i still love abby and adore her with my whole heart!)

the whole cal/nora debacle: this to me was really sketchy because cal used to have a crush on simon and asked him out in simon vs, but got rejected. we also know that nora and simon (book!simon at least) look really alike. it just rubs me the wrong way that cal gets together with nora, simon’s younger sister who looks really alike to her older brother, who cal had a crush on. does that not seem very sketchy and shady and not very good? or healthy? just me?

okay also last point but more of an unpopular opinion that you might not agree with but i felt that the leah/abby relationship was super fanservice-y. i know i briefly touched on this in the second point but i just… why did you need to break nick and abby up in senior year to give leah a gf? it doesn’t make sense to me. we could have had a new character or brought another of the supporting girls like anna or even taylor be leah’s love interest. i know that based on canon, abby and nick might not have survived through college realistically, because long distance relationships are tough, but the hope of ending your last year of school in love, with your friends, finally yourself seems to be an ending with a more bittersweet feeling as college draws near and time together runs out than awkward relationship drama at prom and tension everywhere. i know that it isn’t as realistic, but i think that the characters, having been through what they have, deserve a happily ever after. i think it also is a powerful message to teenagers that yeah, high school is rough and things get dramatic and confusing, but there are people who care for you and will be there for you and stand with you and these friends will quite literally change your life. i just want some happy endings for these kids okay? sue me, i’m a little bit of a romantic. 

please don’t kill me these are just my opinions

[wreckmytommyboy]

when you... try to speak the language of love part one

pairing: tom holland x reader request: no warnings: cursing

it was no secret you were a tough cookie. you weren’t a big fan of cheesy love confessions or heartfelt moments with tears that cause nasty eye boogers.

but tom is.

not so much the tears, but the romantic part.

he loves the whole ten yards. flowers, chocolates, surprise “three month anniversary!” jewelry. that was his thing. that was his love language. gifts and surprises.

it wasn’t yours though, so it was hard to show that you really do love him. you really do miss him when he was gone. you really really do want you and him to last for a very long time.

so far it had been two weeks, three hours, and thirty three minutes since you last spoke to him outside of a couple of texts that said “hey, been busy! haven’t forgotten about u! love u!!” and a shit ton of emoji’s. you wanted more. you hadn’t actually seen him and hugged him and kissed him in months. (seven months, eight days to be almost exact.)

and like you know, you’re a tough cookie. a tough cookie that has access to tom’s flyer’s rewards thing. finals were over, summer break had officially started, and work was more than happy to let you go for a few days. so being the tough cookie you are, and the nosy girlfriend who happens to have the zendaya coleman’s number, you’re on a plane to surprise tom in new york.

“you’re really not worth it,” you mumble to yourself while at baggage claim.

the plane had just landed. this was your first time in new york and you’ve only been here for .07 seconds and you see why people call new yorkers rude. you look to the sky for some patience or a shot of vodka, the mood calls for both, as you see your bags come around on the belt. you’re quick to grab it and move out. it’s not until you’re officially out of the airport and looking through lyft to realize you have no clue what hotel tom is at.

you’re not good at the “romantic thing” but you’re trying your best. you look through your messages with zendaya to see if she dropped a line while you were on the plane.

‘hey boo. jst noticed u never got the hotel we’re at. chillin at hilton, the one closest to the airport. me and tom boy won’t be there til 3. tell the clerk ur w/ dutch. he’ll let ya thru. c ya soon!!!!!’

bless her. she even left an address.

with a deep breath, you put in the location of the hotel. it’s really not far. it’s probably be quicker to walk than to call a ride. so you do. it takes about twenty minutes, but it allows you to take in some of the sites. there’s not much, mostly airport things, but past those you can see skyscrapers and hear the city life.

the hotel itself is a grand affair. it looks like a typical office building on the outside, very lowkey. but once you hit the foyer, you see why it’s a five star place. it’s like walking into a palace.

you feel out of place in you casual jeans and captain america hoodie. the man at the front desk doesn’t even look up from his magazine.

“i’m here with dutch?”

“are you sure,” he asks, bored with life.

“i’m with dutch,” you say more forcefully.

he finally looks up. he glances up and down.

“identification?”

you sniff at him, but go through your bag anyways. you pull out your license. he glances at it momentarily before handed it back. he also gives you a key card.

“door number is on the card. first number is the floor it’s on. have a nice day.”

you simply nod and make way towards the elevators to the right. you read the card. 438.

“what? no penthouse?”

you press the number in and wait for your floor. it doesn’t take long and soon you’re opening the door to tom’s room. it’s much cleaner than expected. like. hella clean. must be room service.

you drop your bag on the couch and move deeper into the hotel room. you enter though a door and find the bedroom. it’s a mess.

“that’s more like it!”

after satisfying your curiosity, you make your way back to through living room and to the kitchen. you absentmindedly note that there’s a balcony. you see that the items you asked for had been bought. zendaya had very cleverly helped you plan the whole charade. her and pinterest.

sitting in a bucket of partially melted ice cubes was tom’s favorite wine and beers, along with unlit candles of various shades of red. there was even a room service lists with certain meals circled.

god. what a bae.

with that part cleared, you make way towards your bag. you pull out a black table cloth and a bag full of rose petals. there’s also your old ihome speakers.

you also pull out a dress. it was your favorite and not one you get to wear often. it was pretty and made you look and feel confident, but most importantly, it was comfortable. even though this was planned to a tee with every detailed accounted for, you were still nervous. the dress helped.

but a shower in that ridiculously large bathroom would help more.

so that’s what you did. and only after you wrapped your hair into a fluffy towel and applied your make up, did you call room service to request some meal in latin that was circled four times more than the others. after words, you set the coffee table up very nicely. (because no matter how nice this hotel is, apparently asking for a kitchen table was too much.)

your feeling more confident in this whole thing as room service knocks on the door and assists you on how to make it look best arranged. you’re clapping yourself on the back when your phone buzzes.

‘CODE BLACK CODE BLACK!! TOM IS HEADINF BACK TK THE HOTEL!! AHOW GOT OUT EARLY!!!’

and suddenly you’re not confident. you’re phone buzzes again.

'BE THERE IN 10’

holy shit. you do last minute preparation. you close all the windows, pull the shades, throw your bag and clothes under the bed. pick up his room at bit because why not? you’ve finished lacing up your heel when the lock jiggles. you quickly light the candles and flick the lighter somewhere in the room.

you’re fidgeting with the end of your dress when you see tom enter.

“babe?”

you smile nervously, “hey baby.”

[serendipitousoracle]

Mixtape n wardrobe for like... ALL the ocs?

[♡ OC ask meme ♡]

i will give you six (6) ocs.

Egeire Mahariel:

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like

1. “Love Love Love” - Of Monsters And Men (basically The song for Egeire/Zevran tbh. love and reluctance and duty and fear and pining, which eventually breaks down as despite it all they keep getting in deeper and deeper until Egeire finally goes fuck this and for once decides not to sacrifice everything he wants to hold onto)

2. “Rather Be” - Clean Bandit (happy fluffy love song for Eg’s sweet, loyal attachment to various love interests. he is devoted and adoring and when he is with the one he loves he would never want to be anywhere else)

3. “Wolves Without Teeth” - Of Monsters And Men (wqieujb?? devotion and consumption and non-physical wounds idk how to explain)

4. idk. something emo? and then instead insert “Not Gonna Die” - Skillet bc it’s really the message Egeire should be taking home

5. and then as throwback to something he’d like maybe smth Gorillaz or Disturbed just for “smth that would probably be on Egeire’s music playlists somewhere“

wardrobe:what’s your OC’s style like?                                  

In DA-centric universes Egeire ends up becoming fairly all-or-nothing re: clothing. at the end of the Blight, into Warden-Commanderdom, and to some extent post-Wardenhood, he is either in full armor and weaponry (with some extra flash and ideally some small piece of elfiness in the Awakening period), or when he is completely alone and not paranoid and with people he trusts in a space he feels safe in, he is wearing like comfortable loose-fitting pants and that’s about it.

In more modern AUs Egeire wears more like… practical clothes, probably? flannel and open button-ups over tank tops with sturdy pants and tough boots, whatever clothes have been Gifted to him over the years, annnnnd at-home muscly shirtlessness with loose sweatpants

Also he looks so great in lace

Under Cut: Egeria Surana, Flytter the Junior Historian, Cyrron Mirevas, Soveliss Liadon, Grey Surana

Egeria Surana

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like

1. “Arms” - Christina Perri (still p much the First and Most Egeria/Alistair song. being Wardens is one rough thing and then the elven mage and the bastard prince is harder still. it works out in the end, but….)

2. “Retrograde” - James Blake (ouch that isolation and your friends are gone, and your friends won’t come, so show me where you fit. i’ll wait, so show me why you’re strong– i’ll wait, we’re alone now)

3. “You May Be Right” - Billy Joel (whoops it’s The DenRia Song)

4. “Beth’s Theme” (Broadchurch OST) - Ólafur Arnalds(Ria’s canon is just so like…. sad. unintentionally sad. quietly, wordlessly sad.)

5. “Stolen Dance” - Milky Chance / “Budapest” - Georga Ezra / “Break Stuff” - Limp Bizkit (just kind of misc songs for Ria Chilling Around The House)

wardrobe:what’s your OC’s style like?

DA: a mix of aesthetic robes and practical ones, some with long flowing pieces and embroidered flowers that gradually transition to black dust, wearing her mage blood and magic specialties quite literally on her sleeve, some that are more armor than robe (bc spellsword/arcane warrior) but with elements of robes nonetheless. Dresses more lightly in private for ease of movement, with fur shawls and fine shoes and all. may be talked into some sort of short top + long skirt look by her fawning husband. in private.

Modern: light blouses and either loose-ish pants or long skirts, fond of flower motifs, plenty of like cardigans and soft jackets and things that generally perfect that sweet and trustworthy and caring outward demeanor she wields like empathy made tangible and precise. also has regular graphic tees and jeans for gardening.

Flytter

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like

1. “Little Talks” - Of Monsters And Men (grief is what drives Flytter from home to wrap themself up entirely in their work… for better or worse, despite the best wishes of those who cared about them)

2. “Non-Stop”, “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story”, … - Hamilton the Musical (um excuse me if somebody made a musical about Egeire Mahariel/WAWsquad/The Fifth Blight Hero you fucking know Flytter would be all over that)

3. “Radioactive” - Imagine Dragons (radioactivity… lingering Blight corruption… same difference, right?)

4. “Heavy In Your Arms” - Florence + the Machine (not entirely happy with this pick but struggling to find something for just– that kind of background gnawing of the slow, slow, painful death seeping into their being, the constant pain and the losing fight to the ebb of the corruption and their inability to keep it effectively treated or soothed or just. nesdfds.)

5. “Beyond the Veil” - Lindsey Stirling (trippy instrumentals for recording things and remembering dreams? sure why not. clear Veil joke? woo!)

wardrobe:what’s your OC’s style like?

.DA: robes, again. robes with a focus on complete head-to-toe coverage and not irritating rough patches of skin or what not too much. Something comfortable enough to sleep in. Not really much variety once they lock themself away in Kinloch Hold rebuilt.

Modern: light shirts tied up and semi-professional vests and the ability to quickly create a skirt in any situation when they need to really move in a hurry

Cyrron Mirevas

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like

1. “Enemies” - Shinedown (i didn’t even have to think about this one everyone hates Cyrron except like…. you jay. only you. everyone else goes ‘ew’ or ‘why are his eyes sockets not full of sharp/sharp-ish utensils’ when i bring him up. only you cheer when he shows up or hand him over to tentacle monsters but)

2. “Simple Man” - Lynyrd Skynyrd (and the complete flipside– a simple kind of man, not rushing, revering the gods, settling down with a bondmate and having children… it was the life Cyrron intended to live, not exactly a soft or warm or gentle man by any means, but a simple man. Then he lost everything, and survived Vir Banal’ras, and we have present day Cyrron.)

3. “The Dalish Elves Encampment” - Dragon Age: Origins OST, or something (this is basically a placeholder to state: what do you think super traditional Dalish elf music sounds like? for Ferelden Dalish if you want to get specific maybe. Basically, whatever Traditional Dalish Music is, that is all Cyrron himself cares to listen to. That’s it. He hoards it. maybe even plays an instrument. the world will never know.)

4. i swear to god i’m not putting “Closer” on this list SO HOW ABOUT THAT BODIES SONG HUH IT’S SUPER MURDERY N STUFF

5. “Indestructible” - Disturbed (fitting, since it was on Egeire’s list, and he definitely got that from somewhere. really, Cyrron is indestructible to a point that even upsets himself until all the venom he sank into others finally comes back to flood his veins)

wardrobe:what’s your OC’s style like?

DA: Armor. Sturdy Dalish armor, long updated and cycled through with parts, blades on hand at all times, each meticulously well-kept and menacingly. The only time he’s not in armor is if he’s for some reason in disguise to get closer to someone to kill them.

Modern: ranges from business semi-casual to business ultra-formal and nowhere below that range, at least not for wearing out in the daylight. Cyrron mostly has his crisp dress shirts and pressed black slacks and all that easy “I am wealthy and important and you don’t need to know what I do for a living” class, even despite the clear vallaslin, but he also has a variety of tougher garb and more lowkey clothing for when his real line of work comes calling in the night for a slit throat or a poisoned drink.

Soveliss Liadon

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC or songs they themselves would like

1. “Addicted to Love” - Florence + the Machine (possibly the earliest defining song for my vague thoughts of ‘Soveliss and his feylock patron’. Soveliss insists he knows what he’s doing! He just has to keep his wits around him! … gods, though, he is so lonely.)

2. “Carousel” - Melanie Martinez (have I mentioned Sov is really super doomed? And it’s all fun and games/‘Til somebody falls in love/But you’ve already bought a ticket/And there’s no turning back now)

3. “Believer” - Imagine Dragons, & “Whispers in the Dark” - Skillet (the main brain-chewing songs for fiendlock!au Soveliss)

4. “Dust Bowl Dance” and “Broken Crown” - Mumford & Sons (hypothetical #mood for potential Angry parts of potential Soveliss character/story arc “You haven’t met me, I am the only son.”)

5. “A Martyr for My Love for You” - The White Stripes (i’m just saying if anybody else dies before we finish this adventure Sov is gonna start getting real antsy about forming attachments to normal, mortal people)

Bonus 6. Welp. (a ghost monk floats through Soveliss’ room as Sov puts up a bard band poster up in his room in the monastery like “soooooovelllllissssss whaaaat isssss thissss” and teenage Sov is just Instantly Teenage Annoyed “MUSIC, JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, IS CHANGING, DAD” (all the monks in the monastery are Dad sov has like 2 dozen dads it’s a time))

BONUS 2 EDIT EDITION: i forgot “Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)” - Florence + the Machine was also a Sov inspiration song whoops

wardrobe:what’s your OC’s style like?

D&D: Soveliss at the moment generally has his greyscale Acolyte of Kelemvor robes/garb, some dark leather armor, maybe some shiny beads or baubles, and his gorgeous blond hair (it is probably literally enchanted t b h), buuuut he has no real exposure to like….. choice of clothing let alone fashion. idk we’ll see if aub ever gets us somewhere cool where I can get him a truly art-worthy outfit or if he dies first i guess.

Modern: ????????????

Grey Surana

mixtape: 5 songs that describe your OC(s) or songs they themselves would like

1. “Stray Italian Greyhound” - Vienna Teng (whoops first song is a Grey/Tamaris song. but: Grey is every bit the tongue-tied hopeless romantic that Egeire is, except he somehow works himself up about it even harder bc in a way Grey can be summed up as Eg But Extra (i love this song tho))

2. “I of the Storm” - Of Monsters And Men (wh o o ps it’s another Grey/Tam song. but it is also a good sort of song for Grey’s general insecurities, still carried over if reflected differently from Egeire’s. not measuring up. not being loved. feeling trapped. are you really gonna love me when i’m gone? are you really gonna need me when i’m gone? i fear you won’t; i fear you don’t)

3. “In My Sleep” - Mystery Skulls (can’t find a good video but you can’t do this like i do/i fucking wrote this in my sleep is just. 1. it mostly inspired an au. 2. take Egeire’s mild peacock tendencies and turn them up to fucking 11 and you might start to approach Grey levels of pride and showboating. tempted to put “Magic” on this list but just. it’s so great. just go look it up.)

4. “Through Glass” - Stone Sour (something quieter. bringing back that feeling of isolation from Ria, but a bit more self-imposed– putting up walls of glass to keep a distance from everything and ending up sitting alone inside his own head, which really could account for a lot of his doubts. a negative feedback loop of sorts. but he is so used to it.)

5. “Work Song” - Hozier / “Iris” - Goo Goo Dolls / “Rather Be” - Clean Bandit (just some more love songs for the hopeless romantic bc I’m p sure I’ve spent like 8 hours on this ask and I’m dead now)

wardrobe:what’s your OC’s style like?

DA: so fashionable. whether he’s the Circle Ambassador or the Warden-Commander, Grey is dedicated to keeping up with trends and edging out ahead of them where he can. It’s a careful balance to keep, neither being so compliant as to be invisible or stepping so far out of line that he’s branded “outsider“ again, but he loves it. Grey is all about politics, wealth, luxury, prestige– whatever the Circle and the Chantry wanted to deny him, he will take, one way or another.

Modern: so fashionable. if it’s In he is at least looking into getting his hands on it, if he doesn’t already have it. as the Circle is traded out for more like…. slicksharp white collar big business laddering-climbing type ambition, so too are robes traded for suits, and so some manner of dress shirt + jacket/blazer/etc + slacks/dress pants/etc becomes his norm. Whether he’s climbing or charming or sleeping his way to the top, he enjoys surrounding himself with luxury and learning how to take advantage of it.Is still a sweetheart who looks nice in lace though.

[sonotawkward-blog]

100 reasons why I love you

1. Your eyes… the only ocean I’d want to get lost in 😉 2. Your incredibly cute smile makes me smile 3. Your laugh is extremely addicting 4. You always motivate me to actually get things done before we get to cuddle 🙄🤣 5. Your cuddlezzzz 🤗 6. You always listen to me whenever there is an issue or i have something to tell you 7. My lowkey sassiness makes the sassiness in you come out 😜 8. Your extreme intent to do good for others 9. You are really kind hearted and mean the best for me 10. Your attempt at singing always brightens my mood no matter what 11. When you try to get me to laugh when im 😭 sad 12. You make me feel some type of way when im with you ☺️ 13. You always make the day fun no matter what 14. I love how cute you look when you fall asleep in bed, even tho i look like a monster when i fall asleep in the car [reference pic here lol] 15. I love the way you respect me 16. I love that even though you know things about me, you still look at me the way that you do 😌 17. I love how you never want to see me unhappy or crying (unless tears of joy of course) 😂 18. I love how the little things i do for you , you see them as big things :p 19. I love when we get to spend quality alone time with each other 😋 20. I love how we communicate well (verbally and nonverbally) 21. I love how you are my best friend and boyfriend 👫 22. I love how you will always be there when i need you to be 23. I love the way you kiss my neck 24. I love the way you grab my face and kiss me (playing rough too 😯) 25. I love the way we play fight (even though you don’t realize it is an actual fight..jk 😂) 26. I love your generous nature.. i really appreciate everything that has ever been done for me 27. I love how you randomly surprise me by showing up even though i still thought you were working 😭 28. I love the way your super ticklish 29. I would not give up on you 30. I love the way you treat my friends 31. I love how every time i look at you, you take my breath away (literally tho when you crush my bones in tight hugs or the way you fuck me 😉) 32. I love how you inspire me to be more than i am 33. I love the little tendencies you do .. when you don’t realize it yet they are super cute 34. I love how cute you look no matter what you are doing (you could be washing dishes and still look adorable as ever) 35. I love your confidence 36. I love your ability to make me feel better when times are tough 37. I love the way you support me when im off track (which is always) 38. I love how you want to be with me and chose me 39. I love how youre my second best 😍 because first is the worst… second is the best and im glad you were my next relationship 😇 40. I love how open you are 41. I love how you like to try new things 42. I love how you call me your baby 43. I love the way you won’t let me compromise myself 44. I love the way you would do anything to make me happy 45. I love how even though we always have mishaps baking, i enjoy it because I’m doing it with you 🎂 46. How even though we were supposed to go to the gym we just said “fuck it” and decided to eat cake and watch movies instead 😝 47. I love your loyalty and faithfulness to me 48. I love your compassion for others 49. Your positive and optimistic outlook on everything 50. The fact that you refuse to fully grow up 😂 you’re wild 51. Your silly voices, faces, and sounds you make 😽 52. How much you always show and tell me how much you love me everyday 53. Your hair 💆🏼‍♂️ 54. I love the way you were willing to take a chance on me ♥️ 55. I love your kisses 😘 56. I appreciate how you sometimes give up things that you want to do just to spend time with me 57. How much excitement you bring to my life when im with you 58. You always bring out the best in me 59. Your patience with me even though i sometimes push things to the limit 60. How you hold my hand or place your hand on my thigh while you are driving 61. How you let me fall asleep on your lap even though you are driving 😂 62. The way you act like a dork sometimes 63. The way you get excited over things…its so adorable 64. How you would diss parties just to chill with me at night .. 65. I wouldnt want anyone else but you 66. How you could never get mad at me 67. I could never ever hate you .. ever 68. Your doubleshot espresso addiction 69. How you accept my basic-ness when i stop to take random pics of my drinks or food 70. I love the way you want me to be happy always 71. I love the way your fingers interlock mine 72. I love the way you are absolutely everything I want 73. With you i can be myself ☺️ 74. Its not hard to love you, i love everything about you 👀 75. Although I am not perfect and have my flaws- you still love and accept me 76. I love the way we trust each other and have nothing to hide 77. Hearing your name makes me smile- always 78. I am proud to be yours 😶♥️ 79. Even when we are apart, i still love you the distance just makes me miss you a shit ton. 80. Love the way you want the best for me 81. I don’t remember our first kiss because it feels so long ago and it just felt natural 82. March 12th, 2017 🔐❤️ 83. How we always jam out in the car and when i say i want to dance and sing to other cars in traffic you look at me like im crazy 😂 84. Your good morning texts :) 85. Love was just a word thrown around until you came and gave it meaning 86. I love the smell of your cologne 87. When you leave me your hoodie to wear or to fall asleep with when you are gone 88. Every morning i wake up and i always wish i could see you next to me 89. Tbh i always check my phone first thing in the morning to see if i received a message from you 90. You accept me for how cheesy i am as an overall person because im always 100% cheesy in everything i do 91. You legit bought us strawberry champagne from your favorite song even though I couldn’t drink it 🙄 sorry baby 92. Although every picture you take of me is candid it is still funny 😮 93. I love the way i can open my phone and find new selfies of your wonderful face in my album 94. I love how determined you are as a person and once you start something, you cant stop 😂 dave and busters got us beat 95. I love the way you get me to so things I would never have probably tried before 96. i love getting to jump and hug you and you not letting go 97. I love when you come with me to do things ☺️ 98. I love how you always keep your promises to me 99. The way we say we will watch ghost adventures but that never happens because you’re too cute not to kiss 😄 100. And finally… although this is the 💯th reason, it doesn’t mean that is where it stops..there are a ton more reasons on why i love you. You have shown me great kindness with your amazing personality and have always made sure i was happy whether you were here or not. Thank you for always putting me as one of your priorities and making me feel special whenever i felt that i was not. I love you and I’m glad to say that I can call you mine and I hope I can make you as happy as you make me 😊💝